SUP-Aaargh!! Slowmo Review – 03 (The Mayan Edition)

Somewhere out there, is a group of Mayan PUN-dits chuckling away at my dismal run of predictions, they may even be the same group I mentioned in the earlier corresponding PREVIEW blog-post (PUN-ting ahead 03 (22&23-DEC-12)).  They are probably saying to themselves….”I bet he wishes we were right and that the world had indeed “ended” as we had predicted…”.  They wouldn’t be completely off the mark this time around, because as the matches played out there were moments I really wished the earth would jus open up and consume me…..BUT, there were other saving graces that emerged to give me something to cling onto, for dear LIFE.  Aaah well enough of the pity party!!!…rather in the spirit of everything festive….Lets-get-this-Review-Party Started!!!

SUP-Aaargh?! – PUNts

  • Tottenham Hotspur v Stoke (my PUNt = HOME WIN FOR TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR…..(with some late drama))
  • The Mayan hand showed itself early on in the weekend with this opening fixture.  I mean how else do you explain the ACTUAL RESULT = NIL ALL!? with Spurs having 63% possession and 22 shots at goal (5 of which were on target with 9 being blocked en route)!?.  I had predicted a Bale’n’Lennon induced headache for Shawcross, BUT me-thinks any headache would have come waaaaaaaaaaaay after, and it probably was down to a stiff drink or two for each stiff tackle he made succefully on The Potters’ way to a Merry Christmas!  So Gin’n’Tonic anyone…?….or should that be Shin’n’Tonic, this being Stoke and all?
  • Manchester City v Reading (my PUNt = A MORE THAN COMFORTABLE WIN FOR CITEH!)
  • And so we moved to the Etihad with the prospect of goals-a-plenty!  Reading were meant to stick to the script of and be very generous….BUT the Mayans really messed with this one too.  That EVENTUAL (and totally UNconfortable) 1-NIL WIN FOR CITEH is proof enough!  EVERYTHING about it was “unlikely”!…BUT some of you need some convincing so here is more.
  1. Reading finding a way to shut-out the champions for 93 whole minutes? UNLIKELY! But they did.  And it wasn’t down to parking the bus either.  No, The Royals managed this by deploying a more mobile SUBMARINE (yes the PUN on the fact that their away strip meant that they were indeed the Yellow Submarine, is very much intended).  Hopefully it does not turn out to be a prophetic metaphor about The Royal’s survival chances, being that submarines are designed to operate by going under.
  2. Gareth Barry being the eventual mercenary to sink the SUB?  UNLIKELY!  But Mr Barry was indeed the hero despite the real Super-SUB Dzeko having been brought on to once again pluck a victory out of the jaws of defeat.  So with 73% of the possession and 21 shots at goal for Citeh how likely was it that only 3 would be on target? HIGHLY UNLIKEY!….But that’s how it played out and sadly the expected goal-fest was a no-show.

  • Chelsea v Aston Villa (my PUNt = A SCORE DRAW)
  • Ok so THIS of all the fixtures is where the Mayans opted to dump the goals!  CHELSEA WINNING 8-Nil meant that I was wrong again!!!  These guys were supposed to be tired and still suffering from jet-lag, not to mention that they were also coming from a midweek tie at Leeds, and since the transfer window is still closed, they hadn’t added to the 20 players (which is the lowest in the EPL) they have used in the EPL thus far.  So surely this was not supposed to happen, right?  I mean Spurs and ManCity had failed to capitalise on home advantage with 63% and 73% possession respectively, so what could these “tired” Champions of Europe do with 57%?  Find 7 different scorers, to score 8 superb goals (with the luxury of a missed penalty to boot) from 15 shots on target, fine tuned from an overall 26 shots at goal, is what Chelsea did with that 57%.
  • It’s inexplicable, and even the jokes of Abramovich’s alleged secret hiring of Lance Armstrong as the Chelsea fitness coach cannot fully explain it.  But, unfortunately for Brad Guzan (who in spite of the score line, had an impressive match in goals for Villa) this was no HoHoHo laughing matter as it happened.

  • Swansea v Manchester United  (my PUNt = A WIN FOR MANCHESTER UNITED)
  • Just to rub salt into my gaping wounds  The Mayans took all my mainline PUNts and shifted them all around.  My PUNted goal glut for Citeh was gift wrapped for Chelsea, the late drama home win for Spurs was handed to Citeh,  and the intended-for-Chelsea score draw was mis-posted to Wales and materialised in a 1-ALL DRAW FOR SWANSEA & MANCHESTER UNITED!  Nuff said!


  • So even some of my less researched random PUNts were not out of Mayan reach.  I PUNted some T20 home wins for both India (versus England), and South Africa (versus New Zealand)…BUT jus for good measure these matches went down to the wire, straining emotions in disbelief with each delivery, until Eoin Morgan (for England in Mumbai) and Martin Guptil (for New Zealand in East London) secured WINS FOR ENGLAND & NEW ZEALAND ….. OFF THE LAST BALL(s)!!!   Proving once again that where Mayans are at play… it aint over gup’till the fat Kiwi swings!!   Bah humbug!!

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from

    SUP-Ah?! – Quick PUNts (My Source of festive cheer)

    • Aaaaaah the saving graces of American Sports.  It would appear the Mayans don’t care much about this bit of my PUNting for the obvious reasons below.
    • I had PUNted that in the NFL = Andrew Luck (Indiana Colts) and RG3 (Washington Redskins) will lead their teams into the playoffs.  Adrian Peterson (Vikings) will fall short of the rushing yards record.…..  Weeeeell…..Mr Luck has done it, RG3 is one victory over the Dallas Cowboys away from doing it and Adrian “All Day” Peterson is on track…to fall short.
    • I also PUNted that in the NBA (Christmas Day Fixtures) =
    • New York Knicks beat LA Lakers (in LA) but the LAKERS WON 100-94;
    • Miami Heat beat Oklahoma City Thunder (in Miami) indeed MIAMI beat OKC 103-97;
    • Houston Rockets beat Chicago Bulls (in Chicago) – and THE ROCKETS DID BEAT CHICAGO 120-97;
    • LA Clippers beat Denver Nuggets (in LA) – the 112-100 WIN FOR THE CLIPPERS was their 14th straight win!  Perhaps, on this evidence the L.A. natives will soon be persuaded that LocAl in no longer Laker!!

    HEZV-OhMG!! Moment!

    • Real Madrid are becoming serial guest (fading) stars in this section, last time it was coz they were  beaten by Real Betis, and now it’s because MALAGA BEAT REAL MADRID and Iker Casillas was dropped for the 1st time in a decade!!!

    PUNisher(s) of the Week!!

    • Difficult to see beyond Chelsea’s Gr-Eight demolition of Villa.  A truly memorable performance which Frank James Lampard will cherish as it was not only his 500th Premiership appearance, BUT in being one of the 7 who made it onto the score sheet Lamps also broke Bobby Tambling’s Chelsea record of 129 top-flight goals!  With 130 to his name (an astonishing return for a midfielder) he has cemented his place in Chelsea’s history…it’s a pity that this LEGEND may soon play no further part in Chelsea’s future.

    #Mark-Oh-Row-Coat-Oh! / Congratulations! to those who have earned it.  There was widespread relief that the Mayans got it wrong, so hopefully y’all will be gracious enough to pardonthePUN-dit.

    Until the next PUNt, be GR8!!

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