SUP-Aaargh!! Slowmo Review – 04 (Animal Farm Edition)

HAPPY New……..TRANSFER WINDOW to you all..(with the calculated exception of Monsieur Wenger).  Player loyalties are about to be sold to the highest bidder.  Fans are about to find “new” former players to vilify while simultaneously embracing some players who they believed were utter rubbish until they were transformed by the magical powers of their “new” team’s strip.  Replica jerseys are about to be torn to shreds and adorn burning effigies of players that were once idolised when they were…..”on fire”.  Player-Agents are about take centre-stage and prove once again that they are part of a select breed of humans who are immune to the much dreaded “January Disease”…. a disease whose effects will include some fans experiencing involuntary muscle spasms which will lead them to reach for their wallets to purchase replacement replica jerseys.  Teams are about to fall foul of the Financial Fair Play (FFP) regulations as tabloids compile fantasy football-esque line ups, that will sadly in the end prove to not even be worth the paper they are printed on/in.  Yes, the Silly Season is finally upon us and some players, agents and clubs are about to extend their festive cheer as they Ho-Ho-Ho all the way to the bank.  The players may change but the scripts remain the same as they announce (prior to the shameless badge-kissing soon to follow) that they are “honoured to finally be able to be joining one of the BEST,BIGGEST & GREATEST clubs in the world…”  Just how many “Best, Biggest, Greatest” clubs there are is debatable, BUT making sense of it all may lie in the wisdom that I pointed out in the corresponding preview post (PUN-ting ahead 04 (28-30/DEC/12) – “Animal Farm” Edition).  All clubs may see themselves as equals…BUT clearly Some Clubs Are More Equal Than Others!!  Let’s see if a review of my PUNts will back this up.

SUP-Ah?! – PUNts

  • Manchester United v West Bromwich Albion (my PUNt = HOME WIN FOR MANCHESTER UNITED)
  • The Baggies toiled and, arguably, deserved a bit more than their defeat in the ACTUAL 2-nil RESULT!  They did, after all, put the ball in the back of the net the same number of “times” as Manchester United did.  Okay so Gareth McAuley’s 9th minute opener was in the wrong end, but until RvP’s (van Persie)  90th minute victory confirmation goal Steve Clarke’s men’s 14 shots at goal were comparable to United’s 17.  Only problem for them is that where United got 7 on target, The Baggies only managed 1.  While the win would have added the icing to Sir Alex Ferguson’s 71st birthday cake, the clean sheet was undoubtedly the cherry on top.
  • New-Year Resolve = Manchester United continued being stingy with another clean sheet & RvP & Chicharito’s braces in the 4-nil WIN at WIGAN, proved that even on a public holiday it’s business as ususal as … The VAN continues to deliver!  = West Bromwich Albion continued in the spirit of giving,  conceding another 2 goals in their 2-1 home LOSS to Fulham!
  • Norwich City v Manchester City  (my PUNt = A COMFORTABLE WIN FOR CITEH!)
  • Citeh were supposed to have been grinning from ear to ear, in keeping with their having “swallowed The Canaries” … BUT the 10 men collective effort of MANCHESTER CITY B-EATING NORWICH CITY 4-3 was, I would imagine, just about as uncomfortable as choking on a canary.  Nasri’s controversial sending off certainly helped Norwich City feel their ability to get a result was now more equal than when the teams’ numbers were equal.  The Premiership’s Champions were 2-nil up within 5 minutes, courtesy of Dzeko & were probably expecting to continue in relative comfort, until The Canary wings started to flutter.  They used their 46% of possession to direct 4 shots on target (3 of which were goals) as they dominated a shell-shocked Citeh who won’t care too much about whether their 4th goal was Dzeko’s hat trick or an own goal by Mark Bunn.
  • New-Year Resolve = Norwich City (after a fine 10 game unbeaten run) increased their losing streak to 4 matches with 2-1 Defeat to West Ham.  = Citeh turned in a remarkable performance, Comfortably beating Stoke City 3-nil..!!

 SUP-Ah?! – Quick PUNts

  • Sunderland v Tottenham Hotspur (EPL) = I PUNted (A LOW SCORING NARROW VICTORY FOR SPURS!) AVB and his boys were kind enough to oblige with a 2-1 Spurs Win!
  • Arsenal v Newcastle United (EPL) = I will admit that The Arsenal’s eventual 7-3 win, was waaaaay beyond what I thought would happen when I PUNted (More high scoring misery for Magpies owing to this = HOME WIN FOR THE GUNNERS.)
  • NFL = What I PUNted?….(NFL = Pending QUICK PUNt from last week = Robert Griffin III – RG3 (Washington Redskins) will lead his team into the playoffs via a victory over Tony Romo’s Cowboys.  Adrian Peterson (Vikings) will fall short of the single season rushing yards record, he needs 208 yards.) ….. What actually happened? =  RG3 led The Redskins to the Playoffs & Adrian Peterson’s 199 yards were an agonising 9 yards short! … Nuff said!

SUP-Aaaargh!! – PUNt

  •  Everton v Chelsea (my PUNt = SCORE DRAW)
  • FIFA once considered increasing the size of the goals, possibly with the hope that that would result in more goals.  Oooooh how Moyes’ Boys wish that had been pushed through, because 3 of their shots would have counted as goals as opposed to hitting the woodwork.  That would probably have helped them maintain their unbeaten season’s run at Goodison Park which Chelsea eventually ended by a 2-1 WIN FOR CHELSEA.  Steven Pienaar got The Toffees off to the perfect start BUT that lucky bundled in goal was the last time Everton got the rub of the green in the match.  While they continued to be clinical in their wasteful and un-required game of “hit-the-woodwork” The Champions of Europe were instead making the most of the efforts of a player who is now un-required at Stamford Bridge.  Lampard’s two goals do not seem to have changed his future prospects at Chelsea where he is now inexplicably “surplus to requirements”.  Abramovich’s Managerial decisions have beggared belief BUT it is his decision to make-Frank-walk-the-plank that just proves that some decisions are more inexplicable (and may in time prove to have more dire consequences) than others.
  • New-Year Resolve = St James’s Park provided the setting for a reversal of fortunes for The Toffees as Everton found themselves on the right side of a 2-1 score line in their defeat of Newcastle. = Chelsea on the other hand went into their London Derby match with Queens Park Rangers fully expecting to blow away The ‘Rs” at Stamford Bridge…..what transpired was worthy of being the HEZV-Oh.M.G! moment of the week, so scroll down and find out.

 SUP-Aaaargh!! – QUICK PUNt

  • My bad RUNs with cricket continued after Pakistan BEAT India by 6 wickets (despite M.S. Dhoni’s undefeated 113) to side-swipe my PUNt that the result would be AN INDIAN VICTORY OVER PAKISTAN.

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from

HEZV-OhMG!! Moment!

  • When The Champions Of Europe host the team that is at the foot of the EPL table, and has NOT won away from home (while also only having managed one home win all season).  The result should be obvious.  When you also FACTor in that Chelsea thrashed the same team 6-1 in last season’s corresponding tie, the FACT that Gaffer Rafa would choose this match to rest a few of his first team players becomes an understandable no-brainer.  … BUT when Chelsea lose 1-nil to Queens Park Rangers it’s difficult to come up with an explanation or even a response beyond…. HEZV-Oh.M.G.!!

PUNisher(s) of the Week!!

  • 2 assists and a hat trick (the 3rd goal of which was absolutely sublime), had some Arsenal & neutral fans believing, perhaps prematurely, that Mr Walcott was THEO’retically capable of being the next Henry.  There certainly was a heavy dose of Henry in Theo’s opening goal, BUT any comparisons will have to stop there for now.  I do believe that Theo should be given a chance to play in his preferred centre forward position BUT his transition from mere mortal to being immortalised in bronze outside The Emirates will take time and possibly Wenger applying principles learned in the Thierry-Of-Evolution!  If this was a glimpse into the future then All Gooners will be hoping that Theo commits his future to The Arsenal.  Problem is though that it was a performance that would have caught the attention of other suitors, so nothing is certain.  Except perhaps the chance that should Theo leave, then it could be an effigy of Mr Wenger that Gooners will use to light one of Theo’s.

#Mark-Oh-Row-Coat-Oh! / Congratulations! to those who have earned it.  I expect Theo Walcott to extend his stay at The Arsenal, BUT should he opt instead to move into the departure lounge and FLY-outta-the-EMIRATES, hopefully y’all will be gracious enough to pardonthePUN-dit.

Until the next PUNt, be GR8!!

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