PUN-ting ahead 13 (12 – 15/APR/13)- “Couch SPORTato” Edition

I promise to watch the sport, ALL the sport and nothing BUT…..the sport, so help me highly caffeinated beverage!  And with that bold pledge the quest for adrenaline induced sleep deprivation in the pursuit of sporting spectatorship was launched! Strong willed men & women the world over have been enlisted.  Relationships, along with eyeballs, will be strained…. team loyalties, along with bladder control, will be stretched….. men will be forced to evolve and multi-task at a femi-professional level…… some records, along with some couches, may be broken.  Not since Denzel Washington’s “moving” performance, as a bed-ridden detective in The Bone Collector, has a human being been primed to achieve so much in such a confined space.  BUT none of this would be possible without the requisite high level sporting content to justify such a mission.  So it is with gleeful anticipation that I cast a gaze over the crammed sporting events which have aligned themselves in such a rare eclipse-like formation that some adjustments need to be made to take it all in.  So the PUN-ting will be quicker, BUT broader.  Get comfy this is the weekend that every Couch SPORTato lives for….. let’s PUNt this!

GOLF

(The Masters)

Golf’s Ist annual Major is now in full swing.  The majority of the expected players have made the cut, with the unexpected inclusion of 14 year old Tianlang Guan, despite his incurring a one stroke penalty for slow play.  That penalty incident has provided us with the first bit of controversy BUT as always Tiger just had to hog the media and top even that “Controversy Leader Board”.  Just as I was readying myself to jump on the bandwagon of those touting Tiger to finally claw back some MAJOR ground on The Golden Bear’s record, it appears I may need a PUN-ting Mulligan just in case Tiger is disqualified for an illegal drop.

So, just to be clear, my desired PUNt is for Tiger to end his Major drought and earn a 5th Green Jacket.  BUT escaping disqualification appears as likely as getting a hole-in-one on a par-5.  If  a 14 year old was NOT spared a 14 time Major Champ will probably not be spared either, in which case my Mulligan PUNt is for Rickie to don a neon Green Jacket!

FOOTY / (SOCCER)

Manchester City -v- Chelsea (FA CUP):-   The Blues & Citeh, finally make it to WEMBLEY to contest a cup.  Pity it’s not a Champions League final, BUT a “mere” FA CUP semi-final.  BUT while both teams would rather still be in the running for the Cup with the BIG EARS, their present match-up is still the envy of many of their Premiership counterparts.  An impressive win record of 23 out of 28 FA CUP matches would usually be enough to see the defending champions Chelsea being tagged as favourites (this will be their 12th match at the new WEMBLEY, it might as well be a home match for them!)….. BUT Citeh have won 9 of their last 10 so that should eliminate any inferiority complex.  Plus, Chelsea are yet to find a win against Citeh this season after 4 clashes, in all competitions, have seen them being beaten 3 times and drawing once.  A draw is the last thing Chelsea’s congested season needs, BUT I expect Citeh to spare them the stress of further fixtures by fulfilling my PUNt for a MAN CITEH VICTORY!

AC Milan -v- Napoli (Serie A):-   2nd placed Napoli travel to the San Siro hoping to extend their 4 point lead over 3rd placed Milan.  A whole lot is at stake here, automatic Champions League qualification notwithstanding.  In the absence of the in-form, but suspended Super Mario Balotelli, Milan probably lack the final ingredient to secure the victory that would draw them to within a point of Napoli, and even though Napoli has won its last 3 league matches, it is the fact that they have failed to beat Milan away in their last 6 matches (in all competitions) that makes me PUNt this one as a SCORE DRAW!

RUGBY

(SupeRugby)

Stormers -v- Sharks

The panic buttons have been well and truly hit in Cape town, the Stormers progress has flat-lined like Table Mountain owing to their dodgy start.  Now every match is a must-win and they will have to start by conquering this Mountain for them to move up the Table… Desperation should help the Stormers to a Narrow WIN!

FORMULA – 1

(Chinese Grand Prix)

With his 1st Pole for Mercedes Lewis Hamilton, appears to be waaaaaaaaay ahead of the curve, especially when considering his proclamations that he does NOT expect to win the championship with his new team just yet.  BUT this should at least help him score a much prized podium finish.  With the top 6 qualifying slots being shared evenly between Mercedes, Lotus and Ferrari I do not expect the podium to be gate-crashed by any other team but I do PUNt that Lotus will dominate and win this race!

FAILED TO MAKE THE CUT

Special mention to the other fixtures that are worth losing sleep over:-

  • Arsenal -v- Norwich = Gunners will consolidate top 4 place
  • Stoke -v- Manchester United = United to grind out a VICTORY at the Britannia
  • IPL = The Bashfest of fast paced T20 continues in India, It should be a worthwhile time filler between the other preferred matches, seeing as the tournament is not yet at the decisive knockout stage.
  • NBA = crucial weekend that will decide the fate of the teams that are still chasing the playoffs.  Also pivotal for deciding final conference placings that could be crucial in determining home court advantage in the playoffs.
  • Blue Bulls -v- Cheetahs = The Freestate franchise should continue their winning roll.

NB* stats as per www.whoscored.com , www.goal.com , www.bbc.co.uk/sport, www.supersport.co.za

PUN-dhari (the Local Scene)

Much as the patriotic side of me wants to fit a local bit of sport in here, the week’s theme limits my input owing to the lack of LIVE TV coverage…. so seeing as we want to promote Couch SPORTato-hood  the local scene will just have to sit this one out.

Now that all has been said, and is about to be done, your thumbs are about to go numb as you commandeer the remote control!  Here’s to hoping that the weekend delivers more reasons to scream with elation than with frustration….BUT if you find yourself groggy and voiceless in the office on Monday morning, and it ALL wasn’t worth it….well then I hope you will NOT imitate the photo below BUT rather ………..pardonthePUN-dit! 

Be blessed, keep hydrated …. and ….Be a Great Couch SPORTato!

P/S in case you missed the last review….. click the following link to activate Sup-ah!? SLOWMO!

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