PUN-ting ahead 09 (22-25/FEB/13) – “OSCAR” Edition

The nominees for the Best Player In a Simulated Fall are….. Ashley Young, Gareth Bale, Luis Suarez, Sergio Busquets, Santi Carzola & Neymar!  And the winner is………………….. who really cares!?!  They probably wouldn’t have been available to pick up their award anyway owing to their protestations over being unfairly nominated by the referees’ panel, who don’t give them enough protection.  I doubt that any one of those players would gladly accept that award if it was being offered for real.  Can you really see any one of them sitting in a room full of their peers, as straight-faced as they can be (in an attempt to mask the obvious anxiety they would be feeling) as the camera zooms into sharp focus on each nominee as their names are announced?  What chance is there that as the “winner” is announced, the runners-up would offer their obligatory mild applause, coupled with the simulated smile (only because those cameras would still be on them, and possibly now capturing every jealous twitch in SUP-Ah!?! Slowmo detail)?  Is it not more plausible to imagine that they would all charge the stage and surround the event’s coordinating official (aka Show Host(ess))and vehemently plead their case that the officials had once again gotten it wrong?  Probably not.  As much as I appreciate the great desire to win at all costs that most athletes have, I am more convinced that had my little imagined scenario been for real, this would have been one accolade to be shied away from.  Proving that, much to the contrary of public sentiment, winning isn’t always everything.  BUT you’ve got to admit though that it would have been rather cool to see the “winner” gushing in their acceptance speech…..“…..you love me, you really, really love me…??!??”  Okay enough of this make-believe nonsense.  While the movie industry will, this weekend, indeed be rewarding those who make a living form simulation, we will try not to be caught up in the red carpet frenzy and focus our attentions on entertainers who keep it real…… well most of the time anyway.

FOOTY

LEAGUE CUP:-

  Bradford City -v- Swansea City  

By the time The Oscar for Best Picture is announced, copious amounts of champagne will already have been uncorked and gulped down by the fans of the recently crowned Capital One Cup Champions!  I will issue my cliché disclaimer here BUT hey, Hollywood itself could not have scripted this final, particularly the respective journeys that either team has travelled to get to Wembley.  If they had scripted it, then there would still have been much debate about how to classify them because as it all unfolded there was a bit of everything.

• Thriller (Chelsea’s last gasp equaliser to make it 4-ALL led to an eventual 5-4 WIN over Manchester United),
• Epic (Coming back from 4-NIL down The Arsenal produced a masterclass to eventually overcome Reading 7-5!), I guess that fully covers Drama,
• Horror & Comedy (Witnessing The Arsenal’s 3-2 penalty demise to Bradford City provided a few laughs for some, while maintaining the trophy drought panic for others),
• Fantasy (After taking out 2 Premiership teams in Wigan & The Arsenal, Bradford City’s improbable march to Wembley passed through another Premiership team, and while the last minutes of their 2-1 defeat to Aston Villa may have felt like a dream,  the real fantasy element had been set in motion in their 3-1 semi final 1st leg win)
• & FINALly ROMANCE! (2 of the most improbable FINAL contenders.  It’s like The Cinderella Man -v- Forrest Gump. The Karate Kid meets an aging Rocky!  It’s usually more gratifying to root for the underdog BUT when 2 are pitted against each other the fact that there can only be one winner means that your emotions are likely to be shredded by the time the closing credits roll up.  The triumph will be tinged with pain as the victors yell Show-me-the-moooneeey!!! while the vanquished try to console themselves like a Million Dollar Baby!

The Bantams of Bradford are seeking a second major trophy in their 110 year existence.  101 years ago they were crowned as FA Cup champions.  A year later Swansea City AFC was founded and it has taken a century of years for them to get this close to breaking their trophy duck.  History would appear to point to a better cup pedigree for Bradford City BUT in the here and now it’s The Swans that hold the upper hand mainly due to their Premier League status which compares favourably with their opponents’ League Two positioning, three divisions lower.  So by league positions alone this should be a done deal for the Welsh Swans.  BUT their fellow EPL counterparts will quickly remind them that The Bantams are more than capable of unleashing a Hurt Locker full of pain!  So which team will ride off into the sunset with a gleaming trophy?  Maybe the following details will shed some light.

PUN-dit Pointers

• The Bantams are the second side from the fourth tier of English football to reach the League Cup final.
• Victory would see Bradford become the sixth club from outside the top flight to win the competition, following in the footsteps of Norwich (second tier, 1962), QPR (third tier, 1967), Swindon (third tier, 1969), Aston Villa (second tier, 1975) and Sheffield Wednesday (second tier, 1991).
•  Bradford City have won nine consecutive penalty shootouts – an English record!!!
• The Swans have reached the final of the League Cup for the first time in their history. Prior to this season they had never gone beyond the fourth round of the competition.
• Swansea’s most recent defeat against League Two opposition was a 3-1 loss to Shrewsbury in the second round of the League Cup last season.

NB* most stats as per www.bbc.co.uk/sport

Ok, so this encounter does not have the star-studded cast that is associated with most Cup Finals… BUT the mere fact that it is Europe’s 1st “major” domestic Cup Final of the season qualifies it to walk down the red carpet.  Whoever wins this will not only add to a trophy cabinet that, for a century, has been as bare as Old-Mother-Hubbard’s Cupboard.  It will guarantee participation in European football next season….  BUT probably the most important reason to fuss about this tie is that for the victors this could be an event that marks an entire generation!

So my Spoiler Alert PUNt is that the winner of the Capital One Cup Lifetime Achievement Award is ……………………………….. SWANSEA TOWN A.F.C!!

SHORT-FILM (aka QUICK-PUNts)

1.  Manchester City -v- Chelsea (EPL):- It is a long accepted notion that you do not win anything (except for the League Cup) in March, BUT you can indeed lose the League in March!  Thanks to Manchester United’s 2-NIL WIN away to QPR their Noisy/Oily Neighbours now find themselves with a Super-15 point deficit to make up.  A loss to Gaffer Rafa’s Chelsea will not only cement that deficit, it will also strengthen Chelsea’s claim for 2nd which they would now be within a mere point of.  There is no prize for guessing that both teams would rather be playing a leading role by challenging Manchester United in the front row of the EPL title battle, BUT for now securing 2nd spot appears to be a more realistic target.                                Spoiler Alert PUNt = The winner of the Best Performance In a SUPPORTING Role, (by those who wish they were leading) is …………………………………… MANCHESTER CITEH!!!
2. F.C. Internazionale -v- A.C. Milan (Serie A):- Look past the fact that again neither team is in contention for the scudetto.  Whatever the result from this match, table-topping Juventus will not lose any sleep.  BUT if The Oscars can go gaga over the mere mention of Italian designer names then surely we too can go gaga over one of European football’s historically glamour ties.  It’s Milan after all, and aren’t we the least bit curious to see how A.C. Milan will fare after that shock victory over Barcelona, especially seeing as Inter have won their last 3 matches against AC Milan in all competitions!?  Will the fans of the Nerazzuri roll out the red carpet for a SuperMario Balotelli who returns as the enemy, or will they replace team chants with more unacceptable racist chants!?!  And if the latter transpires will Mario and Kevin Prince Boateng lead an anti-racism walk-off revolution?!?                                                                                                                                      Spoiler Alert PUNt =  And the award for Best Foreign Language Drama  goes to the victors of the Derby della Madonnina who are……………………………….. A.C. MILAN!!
3. Paris Saint Germain -v- Olympique de Marseille (Ligue 1):-  Wannabe fashionistas will be strutting their stuff on the Hollywood Red carpet this Sunday…BUT those in the know will tell you that all that glitz and glam pales in comparison to what Paris doles out on its catwalks regularly.  Enter Le Classique  pitting 1st placed Paris Saint-Germain and 3rd ranked Olympique de Marseille in a tie that will have an impact on the Ligue 1 table top.  That alone makes this match a mega attraction, and Sunday’s match is sold out.  While the PSG cash revolution is still stuttering, French media reports that 350 journalists across the globe have been accredited for the clash confirm this as a glamour event.  Okay, so maybe half of those accredited journos will be more interested in David Beckham’s presence than the actual footy.  BUT just like The Oscars, sometimes it’s the stars that make the event, rather than the event making the stars.  Problem with that approach though, is that if the stars don’t come out to play it will leave fans feeling like Les Miserables!  Beckham’s footy impact in Paris is yet to be felt BUT, according to Zlatan, at least his arrival makes PSG “more good-looking”                                                                                                 Spoiler Alert PUNt = The award for Best Hair & Make-up  goes to ………………. PARIS SAINT-GERMAN!!

  NB** stats as per www.goal.com and www.whoscored.com

There you have it, 4 whole counter attractions to the Golden Statuette handing out ceremony.  They say Lights, Camera, Action, and the sporting world re-interprets that as Flood-Lights, High-Speed Cameras & Action Replays!  Let’s get these shows on the road!  And to those who thought that this “OSCAR Edition” blog-post was in reference to The Blade Runner let’s wait for the autobiographical movie on Mr Pistorius, BUT until then …….PardonthePUN-dit!

Be blessed …. and ….Be Great!

PUN-ting ahead 08 (1-4/FEB/13) – “SUPER BOWL” Edition

Everyone should have a Bucket List .  You know, that list of things and places you want to experience before you kick the bucket on your way to eternal extra time (not to be confused with Fergie time).  While the contents of that list is entirely up to you, pardonthePUN-dit for making the following suggestion to feature prominently on that list.  The SUPER BOWL!  This NFL (National Football League – yup that’s American football to the uninitiated) grand finale is consistently rated as one of the most watched annual sporting events, and with good reason.  The UEFA Champions League Final may draw a larger & broader viewership, BUT for sheer drama and non-footy-related entertainment, the UEFA Champions League Final is easily relegated to the sub’s bench as the SUPER BOWL effortlessly takes centre stage.  Since its 1967 inception the SUPER BOWL has grown into an entertainment extravaganza that draws in more than just the football mad fanatics.  Some people just tune in to watch the half-time entertainment!  Now to those of you that are unfamiliar with the SUPER BOWL SUNDAY experience, the whole half time emphasis may be a curious one for you BUT perhaps a SUP-Ah!? SLOWMO review of some former half time acts will help to bring you up to speed.

1. 1991 – SUPER BOWL XXV:- New Kids On The Block (Yes that very same boy band you now hate to admit you once swooned over)
2. 1993 – SUPER BOWL XXVII:- Michael Jackson!!! ( This halftime performance increased the TV ratings by a significant amount. It has been claimed to be one of the most watched events in American television history. After 1993, there was deliberate effort to attract top performers for the halftime shows.  So I guess it took the King of Pop’s performance to make the organisers realise that they Gotta Be Startin Somethin!)
3. 2002 – SUPER BOWL XXXVI:- U2
4. 2004 – SUPER BOWL XXXVIII:- Janet Jackson; P-Diddy; Nelly; Justin Timberlake; Kid Rock!!! (yup this was the infamous wardrobe malfunction edition, and since then all broadcasts will have a slight time delay, even if proclaimed as being broadcast LIVE, just in case they need to do a quick edit.  Another Jackson, another SUPER BOWL iconic moment)
5. 2006 – SUPER BOWL XL:- Rolling Stones.
6. 2011 – SUPER BOWL XLV:- Black Eyed Peas; Usher & Slash  (this combo contributed to a record average TV audience of 111 million, as this broadcast became  the most-watched American television program in history!!!)
7. 2013 – SUPER BOWL XLVII:- BEYONCE’!!!! (yup and just like that I am sure we are set for a new American TV audience record.  And who knows, if you tune in you may just be the tipping point towards a record global TV audience too…….  Calling All The Single Ladies and everybody else to witness Mrs Jay-Z’s attempts to upstage the clash of  several brawny men, who she may have been a part of, if She Were A Boy, BUT will undoubtedly remind, in spite of their best efforts, that when all is played and won it’s still Girls-Who Run The World!!)

Ok enough of the side-show, let’s get into why you should watch SUPER BOWL XLVII (besides the fact that you can brush up on your roman numerals.  The XLVII is not just a SUPERsized number, BUT the roman numeral equivalent of 47!  Now you know)

NFL (AMERICAN FOOTY)

 Baltimore Ravens (AFC Champs) -v- San Francisco 49ers (NFC Champs)

Having already highlighted the unique feat of the Brothers Harbaugh (who were the Sup Ah!? SLOW-MO 07 PUNishers of the week), in becoming the first ever brothers to go up against each other, as head coaches, for a SUPER BOWL, perhaps it’s time to showcase the other aspects of this game.

Now a slight confession.  Though it may not be so blindingly obvious to most of you, I myself am still a bit of a novice at this whole NFL/SUPER BOWL thing. So while I am chuffed to the rafters that you are willing to take my word for it on many, if not ALL the aforementioned tidbits, I too have had to diligently read up on this whole SUPER BOWL thing all in the hope that I can avoid any treacherous faux pas that are likely to rear their ugly heads when I am in the company of SUPER BOWL aficionados.  BUT do not despair I am more than willing to share this knowledge with you so that you too may avoid those awkward moments when you are tempted to say the silly things that may eventually be immortalised in the SUPER BOWL Hall-Of-Shame.  Here is The Casual Fan’s SUPER BOWL guide.

PUN-dit Pointers

• Brothers Jim and John Harbaugh met once before as NFL head coaches. On Thanksgiving Day of 2011, John’s Baltimore Ravens defeated Jim’s San Francisco 49ers, 16-6.  The Ravens sacked 49ers quarterback Alex Smith nine times in the game, their highest sack total in 92 games under John Harbaugh.  It is also the most sacks allowed by the 49ers in 36 games under Jim Harbaugh.
• The San Francisco 49ers had the NFL’s second-best scoring defense this season, allowing 17.1 points per game (the Seattle Seahawks had the top-rated scoring defense, allowing 15.3 points). The Ravens had 12th-ranked scoring defense in 2012, allowing 21.5 points per game. In Super Bowl history, teams with a top-two scoring defense are 16-5 when they do not face another top-two scoring defense on Super Sunday.
• Among the 18 teams with multiple Super Bowl appearances, the San Francisco 49ers are the only team never to have lost in the Super Bowl, going 5-0. The next-best winning percentage among teams that reached multiple Super Bowls belongs to the Green Bay Packers and New York Giants, with each going 4-1 on Super Sunday.
• What might be the most telling statistic explaining the San Francisco 49ers’ perfection in the Super Bowl (five wins in five games) is that their starting quarterbacks  have combined to throw 17 touchdowns and NO INTERCEPTIONS!!
• Through his first three games of the 2012 playoffs, Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco has eight touchdowns and NO INTERCEPTIONS!!!  In NFL history, five previous quarterbacks have completed a postseason with eight-plus touchdowns and no interceptions:  Each won the Super Bowl and was named the Super Bowl MVP.
• Colin Kaepernick will become the fourth quarterback to start in the Super Bowl in the same season as his first career NFL start. Only 3 other quarterbacks done so, with 2 of those eventually going on to win the Super Bowl in their first season as starter.
•  In the teams’ last head-2-head Alex Smith was sacked nine times (Week 12 of the 2011 season). Colin Kaepernick has been sacked a total of nine times in his last six games, and has not been sacked multiple times in any game since Week 14.
• Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis has 44 tackles in the 2012 playoffs, the most of any player this postseason!  Oh deer, oh deer!!

Now hopefully y’all can appreciate why most people have struggled to name an outright favourite for this SUPER BOWL.  The stats speak favourably for both teams so the deciding factor may turn out to be something that can’t be highlighted by stats.  It could come down to the Ravens being inspired to send off the legend that is Ray Lewis into the sunset as a SUPER BOWL champ.  Or it could be decided by Kapernick being so inspired to vindicate his coach’s decision to stick with him, in spite of conventional wisdom to bring back the more experienced #1 QB, Alex Smith.

There is PUNting of a draw to save myself this time, as tempting as it may be (no need to re-read the casual fan’s guide for this one……coz besides the fact that it’s a title game, where there must be a winner, Americans hardly ever accept draws as a result!)  So I am just gonna have to go with what I hope will happen and PUNt a narrow VICTORY for the RAVENS (by no more than 3).  Mainly coz I wanna see a victory shuffle by Ray Lewis at the White House, and with any luck President Obama will join in.  Coz If You Like It Then Put A SUPER BOWL RING On It!

NB**:- Majority of the above stats were sourced from www.nfl.com  & wikipedia.

Okay, just for the rest of you who still need their regular fix of PUNting of the usual sports (DON”T you dare say “the REAL football, within ear shot of an American) I have selected a few Sunday fixtures, which to be fair will prove to be no more than mere curtain raisers to the real even that makes this Super Sunday more than just Any Other Given Sunday!

QUICK PUNts

1. Manchester City -v- Liverpool (EPL) – A.K.A every Manchester United fan’s other favourite fixture, because whatever the result there will be a set of fans to taunt.  Even though Citeh have managed to keep 4 consecutive EPL clean sheets, Liverpool are more than capable of ending that run (even though they have have their own Etihad funk which has seen them fail to score in their last three Premier League games at the Etihad Stadium).  Considering that Liverpool have conceded at least 2 goals in 5 of their last 6 away matches in the Premier League, a mini goal fest could be in the offing at The Emirates.  Manchester City have won only two of their last 17 league and cup games against Liverpool (W2, D8, L7). So my PUNt? = A SCORE DRAW!
2. Bayer Leverkusen -v- Borussia Dortmund (Bundesliga) – Leverkusen are currently unbeaten at home in the Bundesliga this season, and have won their last five BayArena clashes.  What’s more, they have only lost two of their last 16 games. Ominously, these both came on a Sunday afternoon. Dortmund have only lost one of their last 11 games against Leverkusen – a 2-0 home reverse on the opening day of the 2010-11 season.  So not much to choose from between these two, BUT I still feel that Sven will be happier of the two Bender twins (the other being Lars who plays for Leverkusen), which is why I my PUNt is = A MULTI SCORING AFFAIR FOR BOTH TEAMS RESULTING IN A WIN FOR DORTMUND!  There may be no traditional jersey swop at the end of this match BUT the teams will change log positions as Dortmund go into this, in 3rd position, a point behind Leverkusen.
3. Cote D’Ivoire -v- Nigeria (AFCoN) – There was a time that this would have been a show-stopping blockbuster of a match-up pitting Africa’s finest, BUT now that The Super Eagles of Nigeria are rebuilding, and the Ivorian Elephants are aging, it does not have quite the same clout.  We will watch it all the same, after all it is the quarter-final of the continental tournament so a lot is at stake.  I will be really shocked if Nigeria do anything to counter my PUNt of = A WIN FOR THE ELEPHANTS!

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.whoscored.com ; www.bbc.co.uk ; www.goal.com

So Sunday night beckons (early Monday morning if you share my Zimbo time zone).  If you have never experienced the event that America gladly calls “the greatest show on earth” then hopefully my PUNting has done enough to make you consider giving the 47th edition a watch.   With some luck you may just get a pleasant SUP-Ah!?-Bowl surprise (The Best Thing You Never Had?), BUT on the off chance that it happens to be a SUP-Aaaaaargh Bore instead, then I pray that you will still find it in you to…….pardonthePUN-dit!

Be blessed …. and ….Be Great!

SUP-Ah?! Slowmo Review – 07 (Bafana Ba’AFCoN – Edition)

In a Blog aptly titled Bums On Seats Still Matters the blogger laments the slow up-take of tickets for the 2013 Africa Cup of Nations (AFCoN) tournament.  Fast forward to Saturday’s Opening Ceremony and the empty seats in the stands proved her (yes I do have it under good authority that the blogger is indeed a bloggess) assertions proved to be on point.  It is a sight that tournament organisers and sponsors will not be too impressed with, unless of course you happen to be the tournament’s main sponsor (telecoms giant) Orange, then perhaps you would have been rubbing your hands gleefully at the sight of all those empty Orange seats at the National Stadium!  50,000 fans made their way into the Calabash inspired stadium, which is 53% of the official 94,000 seater capacity, and based on the atmosphere generated I will let you decide whether that indeed was half full, or half empty.  In my corresponding PUNting Ahead preview blog I profiled the hosts’ curious AFCoN record, which seems to have been inspired by the Reversa-Jive!  A nation, and a continent, vuvuzelas at the ready, held its collective breath in anticipation of a reversal of  Bafana-Bafana fortunes.

SUP-Ah?! – AFCoN PUNts

• South Africa -v- Cape Verde  (my PUNt = A NERVY & TENSE OPENING SCORE DRAW!)
• Barely 5 minutes into the tournament’s opening match the nation, and continent, eventually exhaled (some through their vuvuzelas), as Bafana-Bafana & the Blue Sharks collectively conspired to damped the mood that had been stirred up by the preceding opening ceremony.  With every passing minute they played out their uninspired rendition of A Looooong Ball To Boredom, the 1^st half of which was described by Bafana coach Gordon Igesund as “…a complete waste of 45 minutes…”   The eventual Nil-All DRAW added another bit of unwanted AFCoN trivia stats to the Bafana record as they continued their winless streak, which stretches back to include  the  2004 & 2006 AFCoN editions (having failed to qualify in 2008 and 2010).
• That 50-50 result proved to a glass half empty one for the hosts if Igesund’s other statement is anything to go by.  He remarked that, “….We got a point. I don’t think we deserve too much more than that, to be honest.” Eish, perhaps it’s time to Cry The Beloved Country!
• Contrast that with the Cape Verde coach’s sentiments and it’s easy to see who got the glass half full perspective from the 50-50 result.   “…I’m happy with the performance of the team.  It [the result] means that our team has been well organised. Not conceding goals makes the team more confident.  It’ll make Cape Verde’s 500,000 people happy (it’s the Islander’s st ever AFCoN point). Today, I can hold my head up high”  So the 50,000 “strong” crowd may have actually helped  the Blue Sharks.  I mean who wouldn’t be inspired by having a 10^th of their entire national population watching them play?

2^nd Round Reality Check:-

• Cape Verde remained unbeaten as they DREW 1-All with Morocco. Their historic 1^st goal coming from a man with an equally historic footy name, Platini!
• As for our hosts, they made the most of the 75% capacity attendance that madeit to the Moses Mabida Stadium in Durban.  Staring the prospect of being labelled Sure-sure-LOSERS in the face they finally ended their winless, & more recent scoreless streaks with a much improved performance.  Now the nation can sing Sho-sho-LOZA as their AFCoN train starts to pull away in the right direction, laden with 2 goals courtesy of uMfana Sangweni and uMfana Majoro that helped them triumph over Angola with a 2-Nil WIN!  I guess you indeed can send a group of Bafanas to do a (Zimbo) Warrior’s job.

 

SUP-Ah?! – AFCoN Quick PUNts

• Angola -v- Morocco: – I PUNted =(A Stalemate between the Sable Antelopes & Atlas Lions).  A mere 25,000 game viewers (26% of the National Stadium’s capacity….Hooray for Orange!) witnessed this stand-off as either group failed to draw blood in a Nil-ALL DRAW!
• Ivory Coast -v- Togo:- I PUNt = (Ivory Coast VICTORY owing to the Togolese Sparrow Hawks being swatted away by the mighty trunks of The Elephants).  Game viewing of this African Safari head-to-head was done by a paltry 2,000 enthusiasts (4.7% of the 42,000 capacity of the Royal Bafokeng  Stadium in Rustenburg)  That is a worrying stat considering that one of Africa’s Big 5, the Elephants, were on display.  It would have also been bad for Mama Drogba’s catering business (if she managed to set up shop like she did in the 2012 AFCoN edition).  BUT the 2-1 Ivorian VICTORY, should have still brought her some joy, even if her son’s performance did not!  

SUP-Aaaargh!! – AFCoN Quick PUNts

• Ghana -v- DRC:- I PUNted = (A WIN for Ghana as The Black Stars shoot past the Congolese Leopards).  The Black Stars shot past the Leopards from the DRC twice, only for the Leopards to change their SPOTS 3 minutes after Ghana’s 2^nd goal (which was helped by a successfully converted SPOT kick) and claw their way back to a 2-ALL DRAW!  The DRC put in a diamond studded performance that surprised many, mainly because it had been reported that their camp was in turmoil.  7,000 game viewers watched this spectacle in the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium in Port Elizabeth (yup that’s 15% vote of ringing endorsement for the 48,000 seater stadium).
  • A lot of fans are now disillusioned by Ghana after this performance, opting instead to now throw their weight behind the DRC, whom they hope will shuffle along (Kidiaba-style) deep into the tournament.  I, however, am still backing the Black Stars to come good mainly because I believe that the theme of tragedy inspiring triumph that was evident when Zambia became Champions of Africa may still be at play here.  BUT what tragedy suffered on the shores of Mzansi could be the inspiration for a Ghana triumph  upon their return, I hear you ask…???  All I will say is that Luis Suarez had a hand in it, and the ultimate triumph will have Asamoah Gyan reluctantly stepping up (against his late mother’s wishes) to score the decisive Campionship winning penalty in the shootout. Nuff said!  Leggo BaGhan-’BaGhana!!

• Zambia -v- Ethiopia:- I PUNted = (A Zambia WIN as the Black Lions of Ethiopia are gunned down by the Chipolopolo).  It would appear the Black Lions of Ethiopia were as liberated by their underdogs tag as the Chipolopolo were weighed down by their Champion’s of Africa tag.  There is a 50 year gap (1962 – 2012) between the time when these two nations were African footy champions, and based on their performances on the day, one would be forgiven for thinking that it was Ethiopia that were the more recent champions.  The fact that Zambia failed to conclusively see off an Ethiopian team that was making its AFCoN reappearance after a 31 year absence is worrying,  BUT the additional fact that they faced only 10 slick Black Lions for the better part of an hour, makes it worse!  Zambia were as lethal as Rubber-Bullets.  Their  1-ALL DRAW with the team from the Horn of Africa gave the fantastic Ethiopian fans (who were the more dominant of the 10,000 fans making up the near 25% of the capacity of the Mbombela Stadium in Nelspruit) just cause to blow their own Horns!  The ones they had left, that is,  after “showering” Zambia with a few vuvuzelas during the celebrations of Mbesuma’s opening goal.

• Tunisia -v- Algeria:- I PUNted = ( Algeria WINs as The Carthage Eagles of Tunisia are narrowly out-foxed by the Desert Foxes).  Msakni’s front runner for goal of the tournament helped seal one of the early shocks of the tournament.  It was a strike worthy of winning any match and it proved to be the differences in a late 1-Nil WIN for Tunisia as they out-Foxed Algeria whose good fortune Deserted them at the death!

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.wikipedia.org

HAIB-OhMG!! Moment!

• Barcelona were beaten by 3-2 by Real Sociedad in La Liga!  I suppose Barca learnt nothing from Sociedad’s comeback from 2-NIL down to draw 2-ALL in last season’s corresponding fixture.

PUNisher(s) of the Week!!

The 47^th (XLVII) Edition of the Super Bowl will be contested for on Sunday February 3^rd.  Granted, as a sporting event only the FIFA football final can lay claim to being in the same ball-park as this National Football League (NFL) extravaganza, at least stats wise.  BUT in terms of creating a once-off spectacle there is very little competition, if all any, for a SUPER BOWL.  It single-handedly commands such worldwide attention that this year the price for a 30 second television advert will set you back a record $4,000,000.00 (what…did I stutter?  Yup that’s 4 million dollars!….U.S. not Zim$, in case you were wondering).  Astounding!  BUT even in the light of all those figures the really unique element of this Super Bowl, which will set it apart from any other is that for the very 1^st time it will pit two head-coaching brothers against each other.  Thanks to the efforts of Jim ‘n’ John Harbaugh, as respective head-coaches of and the San Francisco 49ers (yes that is read fourty-niners) and Baltimore Ravens, Super Bowl XLVII will be the ultimate duel of sibling rivalry.  This is such an historic sub-plot that the event itself has been touted as The Bro Bowl, The HarBowl and my personal favourite The Super-BAUGH!

PUNk(s) of the Week!!

Greek Super League footy Champions Olympiakos sacked their Manager Leonardo Jardim.  That in itself is nothing to warrant being called a PUNk now is it?  BUT when you throw in the fact that Olympiakos were leading the league at the time (Not having lost a single game in the Greek Super League this season. Their record stood as follows: Played: 17 Won:14 Drawn:3. ) then it sort of qualifies the Olympiakos Chairman and his board for PUNk-hood!  BUT when you also consider that they allegedly sacked him for allegedly being in the sack with the aforementioned chairman’s wife, well then that makes Mr our worthy PUNk of the week.

#Mark-Oh-Row-Coat-Oh! / Congratulations! to those who have earned it. So, based on the AFCoN attendance, or lack thereof, the fans seem to have opted to align themselves with their clubs in the whole club -v- country debate. Not only is this tournament proving, like its predecessors, to be the one that no one wants to watch, it appears it’s also the one no one really wants to win.  6 draws from the 1^st 10 matches?   One would think there is a broad conspiracy for opting not to win just to prove a POINT!.. BUT, I could be wrong, in which case I would still ask you to be gracious enough to  pardonthePUN-dit.

Until the next PUNt, be GR8!!

PUN-ting ahead 07 (18-22/JAN/13) – “Bafana-Ba’AFCoN” Edition

Very few nations, if at all any, have such an intriguing Africa Cup of Nations (AFCoN) history as South Africa do.  While most of The Motherland admires (yes begrudgingly) South Africa for being the general benchmark of progress, their AFCoN record reads like a deliberate attempt to somehow make progress while firmly engaging the reverse gear!  They will be hoping to rectify a lot of things via this re-arranged tournament which was handed to them mainly because of their solid infrastructure, which is seen (again begrudgingly) as the general benchmark on the continent.  What most nations won’t begrudge them is their most recent record in the AFCoN, BUT before we PUNt Ahead, let’s take a step back with Bafana-Bafana.

• 1996 – SA came out of its naughty-Apartheid-corner to host the AFCoN party.  They dazzled the continent with their shoeshine-piano brand of football and benefitted from all the Madiba Magic that Nelson Mandela had leftover from the 1995 Rugby World Cup, to emerge as unlikely CHAMPIONS OF AFRICA!… A GIANT leap forward, as the fat lady majestically holds the final note to Nkosi Sikelel’iAfrica!
• 1998 – Without the comforts of home cooking, and the glow of Madiba Magic being re-assigned to ensure that SA made it to its maiden World Cup, the Champions of Africa still dazzled their way to the FINAL.  BUT they were to eventually emerge with a second place finish.  The shoooes were losing their shine & the piano was slightly off key….  A small step back!  BUT hey siyaya eFrance siyaayaaa siyayaaa!!
• 2000 – Most nations would be proud to make it to the SEMI-FINALS of their continental showpiece, BUT not when you happen to be the recent former champions & current former finalists.  It does not hit the right notes or appease the fans who are accustomed to being dazzled by some shoeshine!  All it does confirm is yet another…. small step back!
• 2002 – The tune from the piano is now becoming all too familiar.  SA will make the knockout stages but yet again (perhaps due to a lack of clarity on her performance bonus) the fat lady sings sooner than expected as Bafana-Bafana exit as QUARTER FINALISTS of Africa! ….Another small step back!
• 2004 – Okay so now the sequence is firmly in place.  In the midst of chaotic preparations someone at SAFA forgets to pack the piano.  This means the fat-lady is forced into an impromptu performance, which also coincides with a “premature” exit for Bafana at the GROUP STAGE! …. Another wobbled step backwards!
• 2006 – A decade since they were continental champions and by now the fans were clamouring for a change of forTUNES, and preferably a switch to a loooooong play version.  BUT all that SAFA could do was to keep changing the Pianist, which irritated the team and the fat lady.  While all concerned parties bickered about appearance fees the fat lady merely cleared her throat and Bafana again exited at the GROUP STAGE…. and…waaait for it……. without even scoring a goal!!… Yet another staggering step back!
• 2008 – Another tournament another lead Pianist, same old forTUNES!  This time Bafana gallantly pulled themselves up by the dusty bootstraps of their once shiny shoes and scored some goals!!  BUT they still failed to play beyond the GROUP STAGE! …. Hold your position!
• 2010 – It was finally time for the Motherland to “feel it” for indeed the FIFA World Cup was here!  With the focus being justifiably biased towards being the perfect 1^st time African hosts of the world’s greatest football show piece, South Africa pulled out ALL the stops!  An expensive pianist with world-class pedigree (and a far more infectious Samba rhythm) was employed.  Sadly, he had to go and take care of his ailing Old Lady, and the fat lady (feeling disrespected by the calibre of unknown Brazilian pianist who had been thrust upon her on short notice) did not even sing, as Bafana FAILED TO QUALIFY FOR AFCoN!! …. Giant fall backwards!
• 2012 – Back to a local Pianist who was not only a former Bafana but more importantly, had also understudied a number of the past pianists.  Surely there could be no way of doing any worse than failing to qualify for the previous AFCoN?  BUT somehow this local pianist and his supporting cast of players and administrators managed to do just that.  They put in a splendidly choreographed “non-performance” that serenaded the Rainbow Nation into delirium, which was soon cut short by the Confederation of African Football (CAF).  CAF informed them that Bafana’s efforts fell short of the required standard of the So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance special edition of AFCoN!  Bafana (and the entire football fraternity) had not only failed to comprehend the simple instructions for qualification BUT they had also once again FAILED TO QUALIFY FOR AFC0N!!  …. Another uncoordinated step back!
• 2013 – If you can’t qualify with, or beat them…. host them!  The Saga continues for Bafana with yet another Pianist. One of the benefits of hosting is being seeded which will hopefully help Bafana-Bafana to reassert themselves on the Continent.  In AFCoN debutants Cape Verde they have a seemingly easy opening act.  BUT the islanders’ higher CAF and FIFA ranking (where they are 15th & 70th compared to Bafana-Bafana’s 22nd & 85th respectively) should hold them in good stead.  Because of past hurts the partisan 90,000+ crowd at the re-branded National Stadium will probably be too anxious to contribute as the 12^th man, BUT they should do just enough to help fulfil my PUNt for A NERVY & TENSE OPENING SCORE DRAW!

AFCoN QUICK-PUNts 

• Angola -v- Morocco: – my PUNt = Stalemate between the Sable Antelopes & Atlas Lions
• Ghana -v- DRC:- my PUNt =  WIN for Ghana as The Black Stars shoot past the Congolese Leopards.
• Zambia -v- Ethiopia:- my PUNt = Zambia WIN as the Black Lions of Ethiopia are gunned down by the Chipolopolo.
• Ivory Coast -v- Togo:- my PUNt = Ivory Coast VICTORY owing to the Togolese Sparrow Hawks being swatted away by the mighty trunks of The Elephants.
• Tunisia -v- Algeria:- my PUNt = Algeria WINs as The Carthage Eagles of Tunisia are narrowly out-foxed by the Desert Foxes.

The conflict in TV scheduling that the AFCoN has brought about has resulted in my PUN-African side determining the winner in the inevitable Club –v- Country debate.  I sincerely hope that those of you who were hoping for some club footy PUNts will not be too disappointed (besides some of you will still have someone to back at a national level rather than their usual club level. PLUS there was no telling how many fixtures would be cancelled due to bad weather, which is NOT in a factor in the glorious MOTHERLAND).  Whatever your present disposition is, I do hope that any frosty disappointments will soon thaw away and y’all will be gracious enough to still…. pardonthePUN-dit

 Until the next SUP-Ah!?-SLOW-MO Review.

Be Great!

SUP-Ah?! Slowmo Review – 06 (Sub Plots – Edition)

And so it was that as the sporting weekend played itself out, some headline fixtures were true to form and delivered on their top-billing status.  Others merely faded into the obscurity of the touch lines, as others muscled their way to greater prominence by providing waaaaaay more drama than was bargained for.  History was re-written, extended and at times cemented.  Some not-so-trivial occurences provided the answers to some future trivia questions.  Some of my PUNts stood up to the test of reality, others put up a brave fight, but some were TKO’d in the early stages and were thus never afforded a sporting chance.  Whatever the eventual results, it was indeed the sub-plots that provided us with the initial interest to prioritise certain match-ups.  Thankfully some of the PUNted sub-plots held their line as others turned out to be little more than a damp squib.  BUT the greatest thrill was derived from witnessing some events that came in from the blind side to play themselves into firm contention as future sub-plots upon which we will justify most of our interest in the future editions of the chosen encounters.

SUP-Ah?! – PUNts

• Queens Park Rangers  -v-  Tottenham Hotspur(my PUNt = LOW SCORE DRAW!)
• Okay so it turns out that the eventual NIL-ALL RESULT was never going to really drive home the revenge sub-plot that I PUNted for ‘Arry, BUT be assured that should Spurs fall short of their season’s target by a “mere” 2 points, it will undoubtedly be this encounter that people will present as the sole reason why.  Not because it was a blood and thunder cliffhanger no-score-draw, BUT more because we would sooner rather attribute and Spurs mishaps to ‘Arry because it creates a juicier sub-plot.
• From their 38% of possession QPR only managed 4 shots at goal (none were on target) as they spent most of their efforts repelling the opposition threat, which came in the form of 18 goal attempts (with 7 on target – take a bow Mr man-of-the-match Julio Cesar).  This was another great result from a London Derby, and if home form will once again prove to be crucial to QPR’s survival chances, they will be encouraged by the fact that about a quarter of their fixtures will be “home matches” seeing as they will be London Derbies.  They will do well to maintain their derby form, and should ‘Arry pull off another Houdini act, I am sure that he will be the first to admit that it wasn’t a stroll in the Park.

• Manchester United  -v- Liverpool (my PUNt = MANCHESTER UNITED WIN!)
• A welcome “glitch in The Matrix” for the Old Trafford faithful, as it helped to bring about a rare Premier League double over, arguably, their most bitter rivals.  It was the 2007/8 season all over again (which was when United last did the double over Liverpool 3-Nil and i-Nil), and a few overzealous United fans (is there any other kind?) will prematurely latch onto this as a good omen for United’s Champions’ League aspirations.  “WHY??” I hear you ask…. well simply because the last time United did the League double over Liverpool, United went on to become Champions of Europe (not to mention also being crowned EPL Champs).  BUT, Liverpool will gladly point out that they went on to exact sweet revenge in the following season with a League Double win of their own (2-1 at Anfield and that famous 4-1 at Old Trafford where Stevie-G kissed the badge and the camera!!).  So the potential, emerging sub-plots will be somewhat welcomed by both sides.
• The PFA Players’ Player of The Year is set to be voted for in the Spring so Luis Suarez better get his hustle on to recover any ground he may have lost due to his lacklustre performance in the 2-1 WIN for Manchester United.  RvP did his chances of becoming only the 5th two-time winner (and 3rd back-2-back winner) of the award no harm by scoring one and helping set up the other of United’s goals.  United edged this one by simply being more clinical, scoring twice from 5 shots on target, out of 15 overall attempts from 46% of possession.  Liverpool, in contrast, used their 56% of possession to carve out 13 goal attempts, and their solitary goal coming from 3 shots on target.  They will be smarting from this defeat (whose effects are only compounded by the FACT that it’s United they lost to), BUT their 2nd half performance did enough to convince many that they are well on course to dominating a few headlines in the near future.

SUP-Ah?! – Quick PUNts

• Stoke -v- Chelsea (EPL) = I PUNted (A NARROW VICTORY FOR CHELSEA!) … BUT thanks to Jon Walters’ valiant goal scoring antics, the eventual 4-Nil Chelsea WIN, was as far from “narrow” as Torres was from being in the starting line up.  As much as the headline will point (perhaps inaccurately) to an emphatic Chelsea victory, it’s only when we zero in on the details of the sub-plot  that the real details emerge.  Enter Jonathan Walters!
• I could not help but reflect on the irony that emerged as a result of my PUNt which had stated (on the back of Ivanovic’s 2 errors that had led to a Chelsea defeat by Swansea in their last match) ..”…Stoke City will force Chelsea to make errors while limiting the number of chances Chelsea will have to shoot at goal…”   When you consider that Stoke had 5 “legitimate” shots on target (from 12 goal-bound attempts) and Chelsea had 6 on-target shots from 13 my narrow win PUNt could have stood a chance.
• Malaga -v- Barcelona (La Liga)= I PUNted (A MULTI SCORING AFFAIR FOR BOTH TEAMS RESULTING IN A WIN FOR BARCELONA!) and thankfully Malaga and Barca obliged in the resultant 3-1 WIN for Barcelona.
• South Africa -v- New Zealand (2nd TEST).  = I PUNted = (A SOUTH AFRICA WIN WITHIN 4 DAYS!)   And after declaring their 1st (and only) innings on 525 for 8 South Africa WON by an innings and 193 runs, on the 4th day.

SUP-Aaaargh!! – PUNt

• The Arsenal (6th)  Vs  Manchester City (2nd) (my PUNt = HIGH SCORE DRAW)
• Howard Webb, eventually “failed” to live up to some fans’ expectations, BUT in Mike Dean the Controversial Referees Union had a “worthy” headliner who duly was at the centre of all the attention as Citeh WON 2-Nil.  Some will say his 9th minute sending off of Laurent Koscielny spoilt the match and effectively ended it as a fair contest.  BUT my take on it is that Koscielny’s clumsy rugby tackle on Dzeko is what spoilt the match and effectively ended it as a fair contest.  Mike Dean applied the law properly and if players choose to be silly within the early stages of a game and flout those laws in the hope that referees will be lenient, then I hope this will serve as a good benchmark that it should not be done!!!
• Citeh went on to dominate the match but their continued profligacy in front of goal may well come back to bite them in rear when they try to play last season’s “goal-difference” trump card should Manchester United slip up.  They will be chuffed though, by their continued rear-guard dominance (not that a Theo Walcott led offense is the most menacing) and will be boosted by the overturning of Captain Kompany’s 75th minute red card, which should see him continuing to marshal that defense.
• Wenger can breathe a lot easier because in managing 3 shots on target from 9 overall, Theo and co would not have done much to put themselves up as possible replacements for Mancini’s starting strike partnership which managed to find the target 6 times out of 18 tries.  It is a strike force that has relegated a-once-Super Mario to being utilised as a “potent” time-wasting 89th minute substitute.  So no substitution controversy headlines for Mancini this time around, as all the controversy of this match belongs to the man below.
• 

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.whoscored.com

HEZV-OhMG!! Moment!

• The HEADlines would have highlighted the importance of the event.  Your hundredth top flight appearance is one you are not supposed to forget, the details of that day should stay with you forever.  Unfortunately for Jon Walters all of the above became horrifically true. and boy does he wish it was all a whole lot different.  2 headed own goals (the 1st of which was enough to raise a few curious eyebrows amongst the Zimbabwe Asiagate Match-fixing Scandal’s Investgation Committee) and a missed penalty to boot, were his contribution towards the ending of The Potters formidable 17 game unbeaten home record, which crumbled under the spectacular barrage of friendly fire.  The pitch-side microphones may have failed to pick it up, but my lip-reading skills lead me to believe that as Tony Pulis slumped his head in sympathetic response to Jonathan Walters botched penalty he muttered to himself…. “HEZV-Oh.M.G.!!”  BUT fear not Jon got his radar fixed in double-quick time to score a proper brace in Stoke’s FA Cup 3rd round replay.

PUNisher of the Week!!

• Rory McIlroy the top ranked golfer ….. (cue the Jeremy Clarkson impersonation) …”..in the WORLD…” sealed a new mega deal (rumoured to be worth up to U$D 250 million) when signing to be on the same team as his boyhood hero Tiger Woods at Nike.  This is due recognition for golf’s most exciting talent at present and one only hopes that the “controversy curse” of the Swoosh does not strike him as it has done some of Nike’s high-profile ambassadors.

PUNk of the Week!!

• Some call him The Boss, while others know him as Juan Pelota or Mellow Johnny.  He has a nasty habit of repeating himself, doing some things 7 times over.  It has been said that he cheated…. death, by speeding away from it (while sitting down) when it had him by the testicles!!  He has been labeled as a victim of the “controversy curse” of the Swoosh.  All we know is that for this week we know him as…….(cue the final Jeremy Clarkson impersonation)… A PUNk!!
• For services rendered to inspiring millions to Live Strong while you Lived Wrong I bestow this dis-honour of PUNk-hood on you. Arise Lance Armstrong, you PUNk.  We await to see his confessions in the 2 part interview scheduled to be aired from Thursday.  I suppose the fact that the confession was only fit for Oprah goes to further show that lies, and the burden they impose, are, just like everything else….. BIGGER in Texas!

#Mark-Oh-Row-Coat-Oh! / Congratulations! to those who have earned it.  It remains to be seen what effect the Lance Armstrong interview will have on public sentiment but I suspect that he may soon be hopping on my weekly bandwagon hoping for the same benefits that have seen you consistently and graciously pardonthePUN-dit.

Until the next PUNt, be GR8!!

PUN-ting ahead 06 (11-14/JAN/13) – “Sub Plots” Edition

There is very little doubt that top-of-the-table clashes are unrivalled in terms of self promotion.  They easily command attention and even though they don’t always live up to expectations, there are very few other match-ups over the course of a season that will be as eagerly anticipated.  Relegation scraps only rise to prominence at the back-end of seasons when the inevitability of the drop is masked by the, at times, futile attempts to stage a Houdini act.  There are, however, some clashes that earn must-see status despite not being bottom end or title chaser head-ons.   We willingly choose to prioritise these games because of several reasons which include, historical rivalry, recent personnel swaps (which sets the stage for some awkward non-celebrated goals, tepid fan appreciation, questionable new-team badge-kissing, plus the chance for the b00-boys to flex their vocal chords).  The main headlines may not immediately whet the collective appetite, BUT we will nonetheless be maintain our eagerness, mainly due to the hope of witnessing first hand,  the playing out of the numerous sub-plots.

FOOTY

EPL:-

Queens Park Rangers (20th a.k.a last) v  Tottenham Hotspur (3rd)

Another week, another London Derby.  The number of times this is set to happen this season brings the whole issue of the disadvantages of “away games” into question.  Not many neutrals would have picked this match for its potential entertainment value, unless you are a sadist who takes great pleasure in seeing teams that are fighting for survival being pummelled by their much higher placed opposition.  BUT its sub-plots are what hold our intrigue.  We all want to know the following:-

1. After their defeat of Chelsea can Spurs pull off another great shock and win back to back London Derbies?
2. Will ‘Arry Redknapp have the last laugh, this season, over his former club.  For all the diplomatic &  politically correct responses that Mr Redknapp is giving to questions of whether revenge will be a factor, we all just want to see whether it will indeed be a dish served cold.
3. Does ‘Arry have any inside info on his former charges that he can exploit to ensure that QPR replicates the same (1-0) result they enjoyed in the corresponding fixture last season.  Should that happen, Frank Lampard’s uncle  will be hoping to enjoy better fortunes after this result than the 1-win-in-nine matches run that his Spurs endured after their loss to QPR.
4. Will Adel Taarabt (another former Spurs employee) prove yet again to be the difference in this fixture or will it be one of  the other 4 former Tottenham players?

PUN-dit Pointers

• Queens Park Rangers have failed to win 9 of their last 10 home matches in the Premier League.
• QPR have only ever lost once at home to Tottenham in Premier League history.
• The last time the away side won this fixture was back in September 1995.
• Tottenham have won their last 3 matches in the Premier League.
• Harry Redknapp won 49% of his league games in charge of Tottenham (P144, W71,
  D37, L36). Andre Villas-Boas (57%) is the only Spurs boss with a better Premier League record.
• Spurs are the only Premier League team to score in every away game this season.

Time will tell whether ‘Arry will ever be able to say that a stroll in the Park is just as easy as a stroll at The Lane.  If it is to be then QPR will have to live up to my PUNt of a LOW SCORE DRAW! 

Manchester United (1st) -v- Liverpool (8th)

Another season, another chance for bragging rights until the next season’s head-to-heads.  It is NO exaggeration to state that this is probably the biggest fixture this weekend……. (cue the Jeremy Clarkson impersonation)…. in the WORLD!  And yet it’s not a cup final, it by itself will not determine the final standing of either team at the end of the season, it’s the leaders versus a middle-of-the-pack team.  So on the face of it, there is no real cause to put this tie at the top of the perch.  BUT there it is, and there’s no disputing that if 1st played 8th and it did not involve these two teams, it wouldn’t be as interesting, and that’s a FACT!  The ingredients that make this match so appetising include more than just a pinch of history.  From generation to generation there will always be a generous helping of sub-plots and this time around is no different.  We will read between the lines, searching for answers to the following (all in the full knowledge that the Red Devil is in the details):-

1. Can Liverpool get a result from Old Trafford, that will partially derail their rival’s quest for title number 20?
2. Will Luis Suarez’s efforts be concentrated on matching and/or surpassing RvP in the golden boot rankings, or (due to the venue) will he be tempted to rather win the Theatrical contest of simulation by fending off the notable deceptive efforts of Ashley Young?  If Suarez opts for the former, he will most certainly enhance his deserved chances of featuring prominently on the Players’ Player of The Year ballot.  BUT if he opts for the latter he could counter his brilliant efforts by enhancing an unwanted reputation which has seen him construct the joint-second worst disciplinary record in the league, having picked up seven yellow cards this season.
3. Will any of those goals be created by the EPL’s top Personal Assistant, Stevie G?  Or will RvP, presently in 3rd spot, carve out 2 more assists to become the joint top P.A. with 8 assists (which is only one short of Stevie G’s personal best in a Premier League season [nine in 2008-09]).  For the record Wayne Rooney is 2nd with 7 assists.
4. If Stevie G , who has scored five goals in his last seven league matches against Manchester United, scores, will he kiss the badge and the camera again?
5. Will Ashley Young and Suarez (inspired by The Theatre of Dreams) embark on a personal contest for the most theatrical tumble?
6. Will United’s players be afraid to get stuck into Raheem Sterling, due to his “threat” that he will tell on anyone who roughs him up, to his captain.  And if it turns to be Vidic doing the roughing up, will it lead to him extending his record of 3 sendings off in this fixture?
7. Aaaaah who am I kidding the real juicy sub-plot here.  The one we will ALL be  waiting for.  Is to see what impact Howard Webb will have on the whole tie.  Will he send off a  player, will he award a dubious penalty, will his watch be on SUP-aaargh SLOW-MO during injury time, and if any, or all of these afore-mentioned scenarios play out to Liverpool’s advantage. will SAF trade him during this transfer window?  These are the real questions we want answered…..   And that’s a FACT!

PUN-dit Pointers

• United have the best record in the division when falling behind this season, having won 24 points from losing positions.
• Daniel Sturridge, who is set to make his Premier League debut for Liverpool, scored his last goal for Chelsea against United.
• Manchester United have won their last 7 home matches in the Premier League.
• Manchester United have scored at least 2 goals in 13 of their last 14 home matches in the Premier League.
• Manchester United have won 8 of their last 9 home matches against Liverpool in all competitions.
• One of the most feisty and fiercely contested games in Premier League history, this fixture has seen 14 red cards over the years, and a great deal of drama to boot.
• The last 5 fixtures in all competitions have seen 2 wins apiece and a draw, though generally the home team has dominated.

Old Trafford’s first ever match, back in February 1910, was against Liverpool, who dampened down the opening party with a 4-3 victory.  With the attacking options on both sides PUNting a similar score line would be realistic, especially when you consider the defensive frailties of both teams.  BUT my PUNt is for a bit of history from the 2007/8 season to repeat itself as the table-toppers complete a rare League double via a MANCHESTER UNITED WIN! With a customary late goal….hey they don’t call it a Theatre for nothing!

The Arsenal (6th)  Vs  Manchester City (2nd)

Another transfer window, another looooooong period for Monsieur Wenger to dread having to accept phone calls or money from Roberto.  Each tie with teams from the City of Manchester now affords Wenger a chance for a painful and uncomfortable reunion with some former members of The Wenger Boys, who have mostly gone on to end their trophy drought as well as collectively qualify for higher tax brackets and increased pension contributions.  He has traded more talent to Manchester than probably any other city, bar Barcelona, so I suppose he is somewhat justified to have the tune of the American 80s rock band Starship’s hit song ringing in his head, because he and the Arsenal board can accurately proclaim that….. We Built This CITEH!!  And that provides one of the sub-plots which include:-

2. Whether or not Roberto will be “forced” to turn to Super Mario to salvage a result that will see them at the very least, keeping pace with Manchester United.
3. Whether Tevez’ chosen mission of mentoring Balotelli will start to bear visible fruits that Citeh can enjoy.  I mean if there is anyone that knows a thing or two about coming in from the cold to play a decisive cameo role in hunting down and overhauling Manchester United, it would be Carlito.
4. Whether Edin Dzeko will finally sieze the opportunity presented by Kun Aguero’s absence to shake off the uncomfortable role that sees him being continuously being type-cast as the chief protagonist in any of Citeh’s SUPER-SUB-plots!
5. Wthether The Arsenal will finally break their sequence of 3 straight missed penalties against Citeh! ?  And whether Santi Carzola will actually make sure there is contact this time.  Or will Santi just stay on his feet and out of the box and exploit his talents from distance, capitalising on the fact that City has conceded a higher proportion of goals from outside the box than any other team in the Premier League.

PUN-dit Pointers

• Arsenal are undefeated in 9 of their last 10 matches in the Premier League.
• Arsenal have scored 40 goals in this season’s Premier League, more than they had at this stage last season when Robin van Persie was leading the line.
• Manchester City have gone 27 league matches without a win at Arsenal. Their last league victory came at Highbury in the old Division One on 4 October 1975.
• City have not scored on their last five league visits to Arsenal. The last City scorer was DaMarcus Beasley, who scored in the 3-1 defeat in April 2007.
• Manchester City are undefeated in 25 of their last 27 matches in the Premier League.  And the 2 times they have failed to get something out of a match have both come in the last 6 matches.
• Manchester City have allowed the opposition just 56 shots on target against them this season, the fewest in the Premier League.
• No Premier League team has conceded fewer than City’s 19 goals this season.

Despite the attacking talent on display, there have been just five goals in the last six meetings in all competitions between Arsenal and City at the Emirates Stadium.  BUT in spite of all this I am expecting multiple goals on Super Sunday with my PUNt being a HIGH SCORE DRAW.

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.whoscored.com / www.goal.com and www.bbc.co.uk/sport.

QUICK PUNts

1. Stoke -v- Chelsea (EPL) – Failure to put away numerous chances against Swansea in mid-week, is hardly the way Gaffer Rafa was hoping to prepare for a trip to the Brittania. where The Potters remain undefeated in 17 matches.  Add to that, the fact that they then went on to concede twice from unforced errors and the preparations are worsened further.  This is because Stoke City will force Chelsea to make errors while limiting the number of chances Chelsea will have to shoot at at goal.  BUT reading between the lines I am persuaded, based on Chelsea’s recent run of 3 away wins, to PUNt = A NARROW VICTORY FOR CHELSEA!
2. Malaga -v- Barcelona (La Liga) – What is it that they say about the meeting between an irresistable force and an immovable object?  Well whatever it is it is probably going to happen again when the Spanish Primera Liga’s best defense (13 goals) attempts to shut out the most potent attack in the Liga (61 goals).    Barca will find it tough, BUT still score enough goals to justify my PUNt of = A MULTI SCORING AFFAIR FOR BOTH TEAMS RESULTING IN A WIN FOR BARCELONA!
3. South Africa v New Zealand (2nd TEST).  Despite the absence of Vernon Philander The Proteas should get all 20 wickets needed for  = A SOUTH AFRICA WIN WITHIN 4 DAYS!. 

The headlines are ready to be written, BUT let’s see just how many of these sub-plots play out accordingly.

Until then do all you can to read between the lines, you may just find a cause worth supporting beyond the obvious, BUT if that proves daunting then I just hope you’ll still be able to …….PardonthePUN-dit!

Be blessed …. and ….Be Great!

SUP-Ah?! Slowmo Review – 05 (Romantic Football) Edition

“The word ‘romance,’ according to the dictionary, means excitement, adventure, and something extremely real.  Romance should last a lifetime.”  Billy Graham could so easily have been referring to the drama that unfolded in this year’s instalment of the F.A. Cup 3rd Round.  The featured matches which I PUNted in the corresponding preview blog, most certainly did their fair bit to cover this definition, as we continued the attempts to justify the pairing of Footy & Romance.  Excitement was in abundance as the minnows (in their often quaint venues) hosted their more decorated counterparts.  Different kinds of 90+ minute adventures were lived out and the excitement was whipped into a frenzy as some unbelieving fans bore witness to the emergence of unbelievable results, that proved (unfortunately for some) to be extremely real.  So let’s see whose David -vs- Goliath 3rd round mis-adventure was a Bad Romance or gave cause for the wearing of a Lady Gaga inspired P-p-p-p-Poker Face-p-p-Poker Face!!.

SUP-Ah!? – PUNts

• Crawley Town -v- Reading (my PUNt = COMFORTABLE WIN FOR READING!)
• A 1st minute Nicky Adams goal for Crawley Town threatened to ruin Reading’s day….BUT 3 unanswered Reading goals between the 13th and 49th minutes confirmed their Comfortable 3-1 WIN.  I guess the Crawley Town Red Devils need to learn from their Premier League namesake, that it’s not how you start that matters, BUT rather they that score last, usually celebrate the longest.
• Next Date = Reading will host Sheffield United on January 16th, with hopes of another safe passage into the next round.  But The Blades could make it dangerous.

• Tottenham Hotspur -v- Coventry City (my PUNt = A RUNAWAY WIN FOR TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR!!)
• It took 23 minutes for the Spurs military tank to fire 3 quick shots (a brace from Clint Dempsey + one from Gareth Bale) into the Coventry City Blue Sky as it steam-rolled through The Lane. Those shots would prove to be fatal in that 3-ni WIN for Tottenham Hotspur. Sadly for Coventry City they failed to score against Spurs for 4th straight time. The only silver lining on this single cloud that polluted the Sky Blues is that, though they failed to take down Goliath,  the deposit they paid for their borrowed slingshot will most probably be paid back in full.
• Next Date = A trip to Leeds or Birmingham for Spurs…good thing they have that tank.

• Mansfield Town -v- Liverpool (my PUNt = A GIANT WIN FOR LIVERPOOL!)
• My PUNt had also included the following analogy “…Biblical Comparison:- David (too old and frail to even load his sling) -v- Goliath (battle weary & less intimidating, BUT still sees himself as a giant, which is all that matters)…”.  That analogy seems to have really held true for the Liverpool references at least.  That giant-belief would have been enhanced by Daniel Sturridge’s 7th minute debut goal, BUT the staggering that ensued would have been another uncomfortable gut-check for The “mighty” Reds who eventually needed a 59th minute helping HAND from Luis Suarez to secure progression.  BUT that was only half of the story.  The Stags made it an intriguing contest with a spirited performance that deserved more than it got.  They found the energy to repeatedly load that sling, as they impressively hit the lethargic “giant” target continuously (12 of their 14 shots were ON TARGET!, Liverpool managed 8 from 16), from all of 93 league positions back!  So even though Matthew Green’s 79th minute goal was little more than consolation, the Mansfield Town performance is cause enough for a Stag Party!
• Next Date = Liverpool will try put their best foot forward in a January 16th, 4th round date at Oldham Athletic.

SUP-Ah?! – Quick PUNts

•  Cheltenham Town -v- Everton  (my PUNt = an everTON of goals in a SWEET VICTORY FOR THE TOFFEES!)
• This was a QUICK PUNt so since very little was said about the match then, very little will be said now beyond the fact that the resultant 5-1 WIN for Everton not only emerged because of The Toffees’ “ton” of goals, BUT mainly because The Dark Knight did not rise to the defense of The Robins of Cheltenham Town.
• Next Date = Everton will travel to Bolton or Sunderland for their 4th round date on January 26th.

• West Ham -v- Manchester United  (my PUNt = Big Sam’s boys will HAMMER OUT A LOW SCORE DRAW!)
• So no Dark Knight rose in this encounter either….BUT… a Robin did (from the bench) to save the blushes of a British Knight!  RvP became the fastest ever Manchester United player to score 20 goals for the club (in 26 matches), as his 91st minute goal salvaged a 2-ALL DRAW for United.  So Sir Alex Ferguson’s (SAF) 9 year Bad Romance with the F.A. Cup has been given another “2nd chance” to do better.  The dramatic way in which the result was secured, may have strained SAF’s old heart, BUT you will probably only ever hear him profess that My Heart Will Go On!
• Next Date = Don’t call me, and I won’t call you, just know that we are doing this again at Old Trafford on January 16th, in an unwanted 2nd date replay.

SUP-Aaaargh!! – QUICK PUNt

• Swansea -v- Arsenal (my PUNt = A HIGH SCORING NARROW WIN FOR THE ARSENAL!)
• If there is a heart that is grateful to be going on, it is probably beating in Monsieur Wenger’s knee-length-bomber-jacket-protected chest.  The Arsenal’s frustrating inconsistencies of the season were heart-wrenchingly summarised in this match’s 2nd half.  Falling behind to Michu’s 58th minute goal (ouch), enduring a further 23 minutes of fruitless dominance, which contributed to the overall 7 shots on target from 13 (aaaargh), before Podolski’s 81st equaliser (phew), soon to be followed by Gibbs’ 83rd minute possible winneeeeer….!!!(yeeeesss), only to be dashed by Danny Graham’s 87th minute equaliseeeeer….!!!(nooooo).  Final score, 2-ALL.  But hey, at least this draw did not lead to another tropthy-less cup Swansong…. for now.  shhh…Nobody mention Bradford City.
• Next Date = Let’s do this again, say on January 16th. Okay it’s a 2nd date (aka replay for the teams at The Emirates)

SUP-Aaaargh!! – PUNt

• Brighton & Hove Albion -v- Newcastle United  (my PUNt = SCORE DRAW)
• Details in my PUNt probably betrayed the lack of faith I had in The Magpies.  The absence of Demba Ba (contributor of 48% of Newcastle’s league goals & now already responsible for 40% of Chelsea’s goals, since his switch) had led me to make the biblical analogy that the match was like David -v- Goliath (without his spear).  But the eventual result proved that Goliath was also without his armour, not to mention the handicapping effect of battling for the last 3rd of the match without the influence of the original captain’s armband (after Shola Ameobi’s 62nd minute dismissal).  They say familiarity breeds contempt, and it’s hard to argue against that, considering how Brighton dominated Newcastle (with 63% of the possession), dumping them out of the F.A. Cup for the second straight year.  Newcastle will have to get up and wipe off the effects of the goals The Seagulls dropped on them as they flew away with a 2-Nil VICTORY.
• Next Date = The Seagulls await to host the “survivor” of the Arsenal/Swansea 2nd date.

• Special mention to the 2 non-league Giant Slayers, Luton Town (6th in the Conference) & Macclesfield Town (12th in the Conference) who really turned on the Romance, while breaking the respective hearts of Wolverhampton Wanderers (18th in the Championship) and Cardiff City (1st in the Championship).  They launched their slingshots in hope, and impressively toppled giants who were 60 and 83 league positions ahead of them, respectively.
• Next Dates = Luton Town will now have to take on a Premier League giant as they take aim at Norwich City, which is a massive 86 league positions ahead.  Macclesfield Town will be hoping for a Premiership giant of their own, BUT that all depends on whether Wigan overcomes Bournemouth in their replay.  I will be rooting for Macclesfield town to host their EPL Wigan Goliath, who is presently a mere 87 league positions away.

NB* The majority of the football stats quoted above, were sourced from www.whoscored.com and www.espnfc.com

HEZV-OhMG!! Moment!

• All Wolves fans, look away now! The fall out from being dumped out of the F.A. Cup by Luton Town led to more dumping at The Molineux as they dumped their Norwegian manager Stale Solbakken.  It would appear not every manager has an 8 year Alan Pardew-like contract to cushion them from the fall.

PUNk of the Week!!

• The respecting of personal space is a key ingredient to any lasting romance.  So it makes it really easy to bestow the very 1st PUNk-hood(s) to these two gentlemen.  One for reinterpreting the real meaning of Big Bash by getting all frisky with Marlon Samuels (accompanied by a foul-mouthed tirade).  The other tried to change his job description from manager to physiotherapist.  By trying to give Mario Balotelli a physical he added a new beef to his menu of mismanagement (The Argentine beef is reserved for players who don’t want to enter the field of play, while the Italian beef is for those that refuse to leave it).  Go figure.  In the meantime, arise PUNk Shane Warne and arise PUNk Roberto Mancini!

PUNisher of the Week!!

• 4 Ballons D’Or in four years left Lionel Messi with no peer for this award.

#Mark-Oh-Row-Coat-Oh! / Congratulations! to those who have earned it.  There is some time to kill before the next round of romantic F.A. Cup dates, BUT instead of twiddling thumbs what are the teams to do until the next scalp…? Aah well perhaps they still can’t drift too far away from Lady Gaga’s advice, extend the celebrations and Just Dance…  because they may just be on the Edge Of Glory!!

Hopefully y’all will keep the fires burning and be forever accommodating enough to pardonthePUN-dit.

Until the next PUNt, be GR8!!

PUN-ting ahead 05 (4-6/JAN/13) – “Romantic Football?” Edition

ROMANCE & FOOTY???….. Agreed, these two words do not instantaneously form an easy combination, (unless of course Cupid converts his skills as a marksman to use them as a football prodigy),…BUT from this weekend onwards I will bet my last Zim-dollar that these two words (along with David & Goliath) and their different derivatives will be spewed from the mouths, and written into the texts, of fellow PUN-dits and FAN-dits, and all because of one reason. The world’s oldest, and most famous football cup competition, The F.A. Cup, is back.  To be fair this is already the 3rd round, BUT it’s the inclusion of English Premier League teams on the fixtures list alongside football minnows that now makes it worthy of our attention.  These apparent mismatches, on paper, provide the backdrop of the romantic slant that will grip the fans. Cue the romantic background music.  The F.A. Cup is romantic because, just like the relational love infused equivalent, there is a sense of inexplicable hope.  Hope that somehow this could be the year that a particular footballing community will experience its own Cinderella story.  One where the rural squares up to the urban, rich entertains the poor, amateur tackles the professional, the haves get served by the have-nots.  It is romantic because, for at least 90 minutes some of these teams will indeed bear, believe, endure & hope all things to the point of hoping that they may just inexplicably conquer all.  BUT….(scratch away the romantic music) it is also romantic because of its capacity to upset!  And booooooy can The F.A. Cup upset.  The much fancied teams will be hoping that they do not have to endure the heart-break of failing to negotiate their way past less fancied opponents, who have proven to be tricky banana skins in the past.  Some infamous 3rd round F.A. Cup slip-ups include:-

• 1984 – Manchester United (then in the top flight and also being Defending F.A. Cup Champions) being deposed 2-0 by 3rd division outfit A.F.C. Bournemouth.
• 1992 – The Arsenal (the then Reigning 1st Division Champions) were defeated 2-1 by Wrexham (who had come bottom of the Football League, that is the 4th Division)

So this week’s post is mainly dedicated to the match-ups that will provide the greatest chance for a spectacular upset, that will lead to more people experiencing what Lady Gaga has called… A Bad Romance.

FOOTY

F.A. CUP:-

Brighton & Hove Albion -v- Newcastle United 

Biblical Comparison:- David -v- Goliath (without his spear).

Brighton (9th in Championship) are 14 places below The Magpies, BUT now that Demba Ba has taken his goal scoring talents (which had contributed a Premier League high 48% of Newcastle’s league goals) to Chelsea this tie might be closer.  The Seagulls will also draw more confidence from the fact that they beat Newcastle 1-0 last year in last year’s F.A. Cup 4th round.

My PUNt = Brighton & Hove Albion will earn themselves a lucrative “second date” via a replay at St James’ Park after a SCORE DRAW!

 

Crawley Town -v- Reading

Biblical Comparison:- David (with a sore arm) -v- Goliath (with cheap armour)

33 places separate Crawley Town (8th in League One) and Reading (19th in the Premiership) and even though Crawley Town boast a record of 6 wins in their last 7 F.A. Cup matches, this should be a bridge too far for them.  If only they could borrow a few players from the other team they share their Red Devils nickname with, that would improve their odds.

My PUNt = COMFORTABLE WIN FOR READING!

 

Tottenham Hotspur -v- Coventry City

Biblical Comparison:- Goliath (in a military tank) -v- David (using a borrowed slingshot due to financial difficulties)

The Sky Blues will forever cherish the time they triumphed over Spurs in the 1987 F.A. Cup.  That match ended with Coventry City lifting their only major trophy as they emerged as 3-2 victors.  That, though, was then & this is now.  In the here and now Spurs are 3rd in the Premiership, with Coventry City languishing in mid-table obscurity in League One, a whole 52 places behind Spurs!!

My PUNt = Seeing as Spurs have won ALL of the last 6 encounters with Coventry City (scoring 8 goals without reply in the last 3 matches), the result should be A RUNAWAY WIN FOR TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR!!  Otherwise Goliath will probably be investigated for possible simulation if he was otherwise struck down by a bolt from the (sky) blue.

 

Mansfield Town -v- Liverpool

Biblical Comparison:- David (too old and frail to even load his sling) -v- Goliath (battle weary & less intimidating, BUT still sees himself as a giant, which is all that matters) 

They may be a mere 5 years younger than Liverpool, having been “birthed” in 1897, but that is pretty much as close as The Stags of Mansfield Town will ever come to being in the same fold as The mighty Reds.  7 F.A. Cup trophies mean that Liverpool will always have the pedigree to match up favourably against any opponent in this competition, and when you throw in the FACT that they made it all the way to the final last season it is easier to back them even more.  Oh, not to mention the FACT that The Stags (9th in The Conference) are a mammoth 93 places behind Liverpool.

My PUNt = They may Never Walk Alone, BUT not many of the Merseysiders will be accommodated in the 10,000 capacity Field Mill Ground (which is currently limited to 7,574).  That means that the travelling fans will be limited to generating only a tenth of the atmosphere that will be cranked up in their following away fixture, (at the 75,765 capacity Old Trafford)….BUT that should be enough to inspire A GIANT WIN FOR LIVERPOOL!

 

QUICK PUNts

1. Cheltenham Town -v- Everton (F.A. Cup) –  The Robins of Cheltenham Town will be hoping that The Dark Knight Rises to their defense, and pulls them out of this sticky situation. Otherwise the 7,066 fans who will cram into the Whaddon Road Ground will witness an everTON of goals in a SWEET VICTORY FOR THE TOFFEES!
2. Southampton -v- Chelsea (F.A. Cup) – Chelsea boasts an impressive 19 wins from their last 22 F.A. Cup matches (including winning the Final last year).  Demba Ba is now in their ranks so, unless divine intervention of biblical proportions comes through, I guess Saturday will be “OH WHEN The Saints Go MARCHING Ooooout…!”  (otherwise a consecutive defeat for Gaffer Rafa will result in PUN-demonium #JambanjaKuSaintMary’s)
3. West Ham -v- Manchester United (F.A. Cup) – The Hammers are a formidable team at home and they should be more than capable of extending Manchester United’s Bad Romance with the F.A. Cup (which, though being temporarily suspended the 2004/4 winning run, started in 2000 when United gave it the cold shoulder while opting to go off to sunny Brazil for the inaugural Club World Cup). Big Sam’s boys will HAMMER OUT A LOW SCORE DRAW!
4. Swansea -v- Arsenal (F.A. Cup) – The Swans have had the measure of The Arsenal in recent times, winning their last two league encounters.  Were it not for the distraction of a midweek Capital One Cup Semi-final 1st leg versus Chelsea, I would be easily PUNting some more cup-drama for The Arsenal.  BUT The Swans will most probably prioritise the lesser cup, which should result in A HIGH SCORING NARROW WIN FOR THE ARSENAL!

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.whoscored.com.

 

So the potential of there being several HEZV-Oh.M.G!! moments in next week’s review Blog-post is certainly there.  Should some giants be slain, a lot of fans, players and managers will have to put on their bravest P-p-p-p-Poker-p-p-Poker Faces!! BUT until then hopefully y’all will still have enough love to …….PardonthePUN-dit!

Keep your eyes peeled for a new PUNk of the week, debuting in the next SUP-Aa?! SLOW-MO REVIEW.

Be Great!

SUP-Aaargh!! Slowmo Review – 04 (Animal Farm Edition)

HAPPY New……..TRANSFER WINDOW to you all..(with the calculated exception of Monsieur Wenger).  Player loyalties are about to be sold to the highest bidder.  Fans are about to find “new” former players to vilify while simultaneously embracing some players who they believed were utter rubbish until they were transformed by the magical powers of their “new” team’s strip.  Replica jerseys are about to be torn to shreds and adorn burning effigies of players that were once idolised when they were…..”on fire”.  Player-Agents are about take centre-stage and prove once again that they are part of a select breed of humans who are immune to the much dreaded “January Disease”…. a disease whose effects will include some fans experiencing involuntary muscle spasms which will lead them to reach for their wallets to purchase replacement replica jerseys.  Teams are about to fall foul of the Financial Fair Play (FFP) regulations as tabloids compile fantasy football-esque line ups, that will sadly in the end prove to not even be worth the paper they are printed on/in.  Yes, the Silly Season is finally upon us and some players, agents and clubs are about to extend their festive cheer as they Ho-Ho-Ho all the way to the bank.  The players may change but the scripts remain the same as they announce (prior to the shameless badge-kissing soon to follow) that they are “honoured to finally be able to be joining one of the BEST,BIGGEST & GREATEST clubs in the world…”  Just how many “Best, Biggest, Greatest” clubs there are is debatable, BUT making sense of it all may lie in the wisdom that I pointed out in the corresponding preview post (PUN-ting ahead 04 (28-30/DEC/12) – “Animal Farm” Edition).  All clubs may see themselves as equals…BUT clearly Some Clubs Are More Equal Than Others!!  Let’s see if a review of my PUNts will back this up.

SUP-Ah?! – PUNts

• Manchester United v West Bromwich Albion (my PUNt = HOME WIN FOR MANCHESTER UNITED)
• The Baggies toiled and, arguably, deserved a bit more than their defeat in the ACTUAL 2-nil RESULT!  They did, after all, put the ball in the back of the net the same number of “times” as Manchester United did.  Okay so Gareth McAuley’s 9th minute opener was in the wrong end, but until RvP’s (van Persie)  90th minute victory confirmation goal Steve Clarke’s men’s 14 shots at goal were comparable to United’s 17.  Only problem for them is that where United got 7 on target, The Baggies only managed 1.  While the win would have added the icing to Sir Alex Ferguson’s 71st birthday cake, the clean sheet was undoubtedly the cherry on top.
• New-Year Resolve = Manchester United continued being stingy with another clean sheet & RvP & Chicharito’s braces in the 4-nil WIN at WIGAN, proved that even on a public holiday it’s business as ususal as … The VAN continues to deliver!  = West Bromwich Albion continued in the spirit of giving,  conceding another 2 goals in their 2-1 home LOSS to Fulham!

• Norwich City v Manchester City  (my PUNt = A COMFORTABLE WIN FOR CITEH!)
• Citeh were supposed to have been grinning from ear to ear, in keeping with their having “swallowed The Canaries” … BUT the 10 men collective effort of MANCHESTER CITY B-EATING NORWICH CITY 4-3 was, I would imagine, just about as uncomfortable as choking on a canary.  Nasri’s controversial sending off certainly helped Norwich City feel their ability to get a result was now more equal than when the teams’ numbers were equal.  The Premiership’s Champions were 2-nil up within 5 minutes, courtesy of Dzeko & were probably expecting to continue in relative comfort, until The Canary wings started to flutter.  They used their 46% of possession to direct 4 shots on target (3 of which were goals) as they dominated a shell-shocked Citeh who won’t care too much about whether their 4th goal was Dzeko’s hat trick or an own goal by Mark Bunn.
• New-Year Resolve = Norwich City (after a fine 10 game unbeaten run) increased their losing streak to 4 matches with 2-1 Defeat to West Ham.  = Citeh turned in a remarkable performance, Comfortably beating Stoke City 3-nil..!!

 SUP-Ah?! – Quick PUNts

• Sunderland v Tottenham Hotspur (EPL) = I PUNted (A LOW SCORING NARROW VICTORY FOR SPURS!) AVB and his boys were kind enough to oblige with a 2-1 Spurs Win!
• Arsenal v Newcastle United (EPL) = I will admit that The Arsenal’s eventual 7-3 win, was waaaaay beyond what I thought would happen when I PUNted (More high scoring misery for Magpies owing to this = HOME WIN FOR THE GUNNERS.)
• NFL = What I PUNted?….(NFL = Pending QUICK PUNt from last week = Robert Griffin III – RG3 (Washington Redskins) will lead his team into the playoffs via a victory over Tony Romo’s Cowboys.  Adrian Peterson (Vikings) will fall short of the single season rushing yards record, he needs 208 yards.) ….. What actually happened? =  RG3 led The Redskins to the Playoffs & Adrian Peterson’s 199 yards were an agonising 9 yards short! … Nuff said!

SUP-Aaaargh!! – PUNt

•  Everton v Chelsea (my PUNt = SCORE DRAW)
• FIFA once considered increasing the size of the goals, possibly with the hope that that would result in more goals.  Oooooh how Moyes’ Boys wish that had been pushed through, because 3 of their shots would have counted as goals as opposed to hitting the woodwork.  That would probably have helped them maintain their unbeaten season’s run at Goodison Park which Chelsea eventually ended by a 2-1 WIN FOR CHELSEA.  Steven Pienaar got The Toffees off to the perfect start BUT that lucky bundled in goal was the last time Everton got the rub of the green in the match.  While they continued to be clinical in their wasteful and un-required game of “hit-the-woodwork” The Champions of Europe were instead making the most of the efforts of a player who is now un-required at Stamford Bridge.  Lampard’s two goals do not seem to have changed his future prospects at Chelsea where he is now inexplicably “surplus to requirements”.  Abramovich’s Managerial decisions have beggared belief BUT it is his decision to make-Frank-walk-the-plank that just proves that some decisions are more inexplicable (and may in time prove to have more dire consequences) than others.
• New-Year Resolve = St James’s Park provided the setting for a reversal of fortunes for The Toffees as Everton found themselves on the right side of a 2-1 score line in their defeat of Newcastle. = Chelsea on the other hand went into their London Derby match with Queens Park Rangers fully expecting to blow away The ‘Rs” at Stamford Bridge…..what transpired was worthy of being the HEZV-Oh.M.G! moment of the week, so scroll down and find out.

 SUP-Aaaargh!! – QUICK PUNt

• My bad RUNs with cricket continued after Pakistan BEAT India by 6 wickets (despite M.S. Dhoni’s undefeated 113) to side-swipe my PUNt that the result would be AN INDIAN VICTORY OVER PAKISTAN.

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.whoscored.com

HEZV-OhMG!! Moment!

• When The Champions Of Europe host the team that is at the foot of the EPL table, and has NOT won away from home (while also only having managed one home win all season).  The result should be obvious.  When you also FACTor in that Chelsea thrashed the same team 6-1 in last season’s corresponding tie, the FACT that Gaffer Rafa would choose this match to rest a few of his first team players becomes an understandable no-brainer.  … BUT when Chelsea lose 1-nil to Queens Park Rangers it’s difficult to come up with an explanation or even a response beyond…. HEZV-Oh.M.G.!!

PUNisher(s) of the Week!!

• 2 assists and a hat trick (the 3rd goal of which was absolutely sublime), had some Arsenal & neutral fans believing, perhaps prematurely, that Mr Walcott was THEO’retically capable of being the next Henry.  There certainly was a heavy dose of Henry in Theo’s opening goal, BUT any comparisons will have to stop there for now.  I do believe that Theo should be given a chance to play in his preferred centre forward position BUT his transition from mere mortal to being immortalised in bronze outside The Emirates will take time and possibly Wenger applying principles learned in the Thierry-Of-Evolution!  If this was a glimpse into the future then All Gooners will be hoping that Theo commits his future to The Arsenal.  Problem is though that it was a performance that would have caught the attention of other suitors, so nothing is certain.  Except perhaps the chance that should Theo leave, then it could be an effigy of Mr Wenger that Gooners will use to light one of Theo’s.

#Mark-Oh-Row-Coat-Oh! / Congratulations! to those who have earned it.  I expect Theo Walcott to extend his stay at The Arsenal, BUT should he opt instead to move into the departure lounge and FLY-outta-the-EMIRATES, hopefully y’all will be gracious enough to pardonthePUN-dit.

Until the next PUNt, be GR8!!

PUN-ting ahead 04 (28-30/DEC/12) – “Animal Farm” Edition

“Some animals are more equal than others”…or are they?  The fallout from the touchline events that transpired at Old Trafford on Boxing Day, has led some to place credence in George Orwell’s statement.  The fact that Sir Alex Ferguson (SAF) has escaped Scot-free without being sanctioned for his boisterous exchannge with the match officials, would seem to endorse the belief that double standards are in play once again…..BUT are they?  While I agree that the scenes were ugly and unbecoming of such a public figure, warranting some action, I am not entirely convinced by all the conspiracy theories. Perhaps the powers that be just felt that it would be in bad taste spoil his new years eve birthday celebrations.  Or maybe there’s a senior citzens pass, I mean who in good conscience can be mean to the elderly?  The debate on that will rage on, as will the one sparked by a few of the following PUNts.  So before I spark the next revolution, let’s see if I can influence your weekend sporting oppinions (without the input of a referee’s assistant) by DIVING straight in.

FOOTY

EPL:-

Manchester United (1st) v West Bromwich Albion (6th)

SAF (aka Napoleon to some) may be gearing up to celebrate his 71st birthday but I am sure his heart has been forced to pump through a decade more worth of blood due to the comebacks he has had to endure.  BUT as they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so his heart may have been better conditioned by the extra strain.  His vow to never again lose out on a title due to goal difference has seen him purpotedly set a 100 goal target for his charges, which they are well on course to reach.  Problem though, is that only solves half the problem.  United’s defensive deficiencies have meant that whilst they lead the league with 48 goals scored (next best is  Chelsea’s 37),  the 28 goals conceded (which are alarmingly only one less than last season’s entire total) have diluted their goal difference to +20 (joint best with Chelsea and only 2 better than Citeh).

The constant comebacks, though good for the neutrals and the Old Trafford faithful, will bother SAF as much as it partially inspire Steve Clarke and his Baggies.  Long gone are the days when teams’ only tactical option for a trip to United was sanctioned by The Ministry of DEFENCE.  Now every team has a justifiable reason to back themself have a go and I expect nothing less from WBA, especially as they have only failed, on two occasions, to score away from home.  Plus, it would appear Shane Long & Peter “How-dare-you-ommit-me-from-the-national-squad” Odemwingie, were rested for such a time as this.

PUN-dit Pointers

• Manchester United have won their last 6 home matches in the Premier League.
• Manchester United have scored at least 2 goals in their last 9 matches against West Bromwich Albion in all competitions.
• United have only kept two clean sheets at home this season, conceding 13 goals (already 1 more than they conceded at home the whole of last season) in 9 games at Old Trafford.
• The Baggies have won three of their last five away league games.

So Mr Clarke hopes to boldly go where only one other Steve (Kean of Blackburn)  has gone before and spoil SAF’s celebrations by beating him on the “eve” of his birthday.  BUT I doubt that Napoleon will let that happen in back-to-back seasons.  Besides, Manchester United have never lost to West Brom in their 12 previous Premier League encounters.  I don’t expect them to start now so I am PUNting a HOME WIN FOR MANCHESTER UNITED.  Also expect Napoleon to behave, only because even in his old age, he would have learnt from Boxing Day that, Big Brother Is Always Watching You.

 

Norwich City (11th) v Manchester City (2nd)

Carrow Road, the scene of one of the more eyebrow raising results of the season.  Not only did The Canaries beat Manchester United, BUT more surprisingly they stopped them from scoring too.  It occurred at the mid-point of an impressive 10 match unbeaten run(6 wins & 4 draws) which, until it was recently ended by The Baggies, was second longest such streak in the EPL this season.  BUT it did end and now The Canaries will be hoping to stop the ensuing losing sequence at 2 games.  Enter Manchester City, owners of the EPL’s longest unbeaten streak this season with a 15 game run BUT also hoping to avoid recording back-2-back defeats.

The Canaries will be hoping for a repeat of the result they engineered when they last hosted a team from Manchester, while Citeh will take either one (5-1 at home and 6-1 away) of the results they inflicted upon Norwich City last season.  If that were to happen, it would go a long way to papering over some of the cracks that are emerging at the The Etihad.  Such a goal glut would also atone for the un-champion like record of having scored only one goal in the last matches versus Reading and Sunderland.  So even if it may not help close the 7 point gap with Manchester United, the boost in the goal difference will be welcome.

PUN-dit Pointers

• City have won three of the four Premier League meetings between the sides (W3, D1).
• Norwich have won five of their last six home league matches.
• Norwich are three points better off than they were at this stage last season, although they are one place lower in the league (11th).  While City have six points fewer than they did after 19 games last season – although they have lost the same number of games (two).
• On the last nine occasions that Manchester City have lost a Premier League match, they have bounced straight back with a win. They haven’t lost two in a row in the league since October 2010.

So on the back of that last PUN-dit Pointer I will PUNt A COMFORTABLE WIN FOR CITEH!  which should see Mancini easing up on accusations that his team’s fortunes were adversely affected by match officials (aka the Grinches-who-stole-Citeh’s-points) who over indulged on the festive buffet.  Instead it is MUNCH-ini that may be accused of over indulgence, if he is caught grinning like he has swallowed The Canaries.

Everton (5th)  Vs  Chelsea (3rd)

So Chelsea’s +20 goal difference is a league leading stat shared with the table-topping Manchester United, and yet they find themselves 11 points behind them (albeit with a game in hand) and in 3rd place.  Perhaps some goal differences are “more equal than others”.  All jibes aside though this match-up, which is probably the tie of the round, will hopefully prove to have been worth the wait by the time it kicks of on Sunday afternoon.  There are so many intriguing sub-plots to be explored.  It offers Rafa his 1st return to Merseyside, and depending on his team’s performance, he may just find himself being booed by sections of BOTH sets of supporters!

This potentially sticky situation goes beyond the mere fact of Rafa’s past ties with The Toffees’ arch rivals.  His labelling of Everton as a “small team” during his tenure as Liverpool’s gaffer is what will probably make David Moyes’ task of motivating his players and the team’s fans a whole lot easier.  Then there’s the “personal” battle between the two managers.  Gaffer Rafa will want to maintain his impressive 7 game EPL unbeaten record against The Toffees,  and while this is sure to irritate Moyes, he will be buoyed by his charges impressive record(s), which sees them undefeated at Goodison Park this season BUT more specifically boasting a great record versus Chelsea.   Chelsea haven’t won a game at Goodison Park since April 2008, losing on their last three trips to Everton in the league (drawing 4 and losing 3)

PUN-dit Pointers

• Everton are enjoying a seven-match unbeaten run in the Premier League and have lost only once in their last 16 fixtures.
• Everton can set a new club record for fewest Premier League defeats in a calendar year. They have lost only six league matches in 2012, one fewer than in 2010.
• Everton have scored in each of their last 16 league games and conceded in each of their last 14 – both are the longest current streaks in the Premier League.
• Everton have never defeated Chelsea in seven previous December Premier League meetings (D5, L2).
• A fourth consecutive home win over the Blues for The Toffees would see them leapfrog Chelsea.
• Victory would see Chelsea record a fourth successive league win for only the second time this season.

The high scoring exploits of The Champions of Europe were halted at Carrow road, but as Rafa knows it’s the results that count in the interim.  I expect The Toffees to go toe-2-toe with Chelsea and maintain their unbeaten run at fortress Goodison, which should justify my PUNt for a SCORE DRAW.

NB* majority of quoted football stats above were sourced from www.whoscored.com / www.goal.com and www.bbc.co.uk/sport.

QUICK PUNts

1. Sunderland v Tottenham Hotspur (EPL) – AVB’s boys are the 2nd best form team in the EPL, which has helped them climb into 4th,  BUT last season’s unfortunate scenario will mean that they will have ambitions of placing higher.  Martin O’Neill will gladly take last season’s final position for the Black Cats.   Back-2-Back shock wins should be beyond them though resulting in = A LOW SCORING NARROW VICTORY FOR SPURS!
2. Arsenal v Newcastle United (EPL) – A pending transport sector strike meant that The Arsenal players took in the festivities of the Boxing Day fixtures from the comfort of their living rooms.  The Gunners should be well rested, while the mid-week exertions of the Magpies could prove pivotal in the outcome, along with Newcastle’s poor record when they don’t have the comfort of a home cooked meal.  More high scoring misery for Magpies owing to this = HOME WIN FOR THE GUNNERS.
3. NFL = Pending QUICK PUNt from last week = RG3 (Washington Redskins) will lead his team into the playoffs via a victory over Tony Romo’s Cowboys.  Adrian Peterson (Vikings) will fall short of the single season rushing yards record, he needs 208 yards.
4. India v Pakistan (1st ODI).  India start their post Little Master ODI journey.  The first step should be = AN INDIAN VICTORY OVER PAKISTAN. 

George Orwell’s PUNts for how the world would be in 1984 may not have all been on point…..BUT his insights from Animal Farm on how double standards can emerge from well-intentioned initial efforts to EQUALISE all things still ring true.  Try as they may, the powers that be will NOT always get it right, & some crafty individuals will maximise on this flawed system that tries to view Knights as being on a level playing field.  Inevitably some will feel aggrieved ..BUT.. thanks to Mr Orwell’s easts Of England, we can find some reason to hope that this is a passing season.  Here’s my take on the first part of it (which I have renamed Teams Of England PL).

“Teams of England (Premier League), Team of Wales, Teams of every rank and clime, Hearken to my joyful tidings Of the Golden future time.

Soon or late the day is coming, Tyrant Fergie shall be o’erthrown, And the top “Peeerrrch” of England footy, Shall be trod by the previously marginalised Teams alone.”

BUT until then some endurance may be the order of the day, and in that I hope you’ll still be able to …….PardonthePUN-dit!

Blessed Transition into the New Year & ….Be Great!